Being Jennifer

Work in progress

2010-08-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

I am a work in progress. We all are. Lately the parts of me that have been under construction are difficult to face. I know it's good to be working through these things, but I haven't been handling with the amount of grace that I would like. One of the most difficult things about this process (for me) is admitting what my junk is and then taking responsibility for it. I'm emotion driven and tend to react to issues in an emotional way. Not always the best thing to do...especially when I often vocalize what I'm feeling without considering the consequences. I'm working on it, but I think it's going to take a lot longer to work through this than I'd like...it already has.

So, here I am in the midst of another "growing experience" that I'm sure will feel good once the construction has been completed. Then there will be another part of me that needs some work. Hopefully I'll be willing to accept the work sooner.

Rear-ended!

2010-06-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

We had our first camping trip last week in our new (to us) tent trailer! The weather at Fort Stevens was perfect!!! It was so much fun...we had a great time connecting as a family and with some great friends. I needed to complete my final day of week 1 of couch to 5K while we were there. It went great-it was so amazing running/walking on the winding bike paths, through beautiful treed areas, while hearing the crashing waves in the distance. It made the time I spent sucking air almost worthwhile.

As I was walking back to my campsite during my cool down, a young girl ran into me from behind on her bike. My body jolted and I went down hard on the pavement. Luckily, I was able to cushion the collision for her (another reason why I'm doing this whole running thing). I'm doing okay. Still pretty sore, but today was the first day I could lift my arm over my head with out shooting pain running down my arm and shoulder.

Because it took me a few days to recover, I didn't start week 2 until today. It went well...as well as it could. I am actually starting to enjoy the running parts (up until the last interval, anyway).

So, my lessons learned this week are: running can be fun, but it does come with risks.

I'm Baaaaack

2010-06-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

So...it's be a while since my last post. To be honest, I started to post something quite a few times, but I really didn't have anything productive to say. I've been in a wilderness of sorts and it hasn't been fun. I don't know why...maybe I never will, but I've decided that I'm tired of waiting for it to pass before I post anything. I haven't had many positive thoughts and there are many days that I've felt further away from God than I ever have. I also don't know the reason for that, except for the fact that these wilderness times are supposed to be normal and my desire for it to end as soon as possible isn't really doing me any good.

Things are actually pretty good at the Yamashiro house. We've been affected by the economy, just like everybody else, but each month the bills get paid and we know the only way that's happening is that God is providing it...there's simply no other explanation.

I do want to start blogging again. It helps me to work out what's flying around in my mind. It also helps me stay accountable when I'm working towards a goal. Which is what I've been putting off along with posting. But, the last time I had a solid goal, I posted on my progress here and it helped me stay on track.

What's the new goal? Well, almost the same as the last one. I need (and want) to be healthy. I'll be turning 40 in a year and I've been asking all of those milestone questions we ask ourselves. I want to be a fun mom who is always eager to play and go on new adventures. The problem is, I'm so tired all of the time. Some of that is hormones (another "plus" of getting older), but a large part is also laziness and lack of energy, which are directly impacted by my lack of exercise. So, tonight I started a new fitness plan-Couch to 5K. I'll be posting my progress here and, don't worry, even though I won't be in a gym where I can accidentally fall off of a treadmill, I'm sure I'll have plenty of other interesting stories about my (mis)adventures.

That's it for now. Not sure if anyone is actually reading this anymore, but I'll do my best to update at least once a week. Hold me to that!

Wisdom from little N

2009-08-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

When people's faces turn red it's because they're embarrassed or because they love somebody.

Why I Relay

2009-06-10T14:40:00.001-07:00

It started out just like many of the other Fridays before it. My closest girlfriends and I had season tickets to the Broadway series touring through Portland…5th row seats for Saturday night performances. Normally we would send emails back and forth all day beginning the Friday before the show, discussing everything from what we should wear, where we should eat and if we would be heading anywhere after the show. Lori had been uncharacteristically silent that day. She hadn’t chimed in on any of our emails, but I had just assumed it was a really busy day for her at work. At around 5pm my phone rang, it was Lori. “Jenn, I’m not going to be able to make the show tomorrow night.” I was trying to come up with some snarky comment when her voice broke, “Lillian has a tumor in her brain, it’s cancer.” What do you say to someone who has just told you that their precious two-year-old has cancer? I don’t really remember much of the rest of our conversation.

For the next 7 months, I watched my dear friend do everything she could to help her daughter fight this ugly disease. Sweet Lillian lost her beautiful brown hair and her adorable chubby cheeks. About a month before Easter, we celebrated the fact that Lillian had completed chemo…things were looking up. Then, something took a hold of her precious little body and after a month in the ICU, Lillian lost her battle with cancer. It was just a few days before Easter and I remember thinking how surreal it all was. I was working for my church at the time and had been spending my time preparing to celebrate the resurrection of Christ, while watching my friend say goodbye to her little girl. I felt so helpless and hopeless. I wanted to do something…something to show Lori and her husband, Jeff, how much I love them…something that would help ease their pain…something that would ensure that NOBODY would ever have to watch their loved one battle such a hateful disease.

Then we met Becci who soon became so dear to us. Becci had just lost her mother (who was also her best friend) to breast cancer. Becci asked if Lori if we participated in Relay for Life…we didn’t…yet. Three years ago our Relay for Life team, Walking with Angels, was formed (http://www.walkingwithangels.net/). We are a team lead by two of the most amazing, courageous women I’ve ever known. Lori, a mother who lost her daughter to cancer and Becci, a daughter who lost her mother to cancer. I relay for them as well as in memory of my great-grandfather and in memory of my husband’s grandfather. We are also a team that likes to have FUN! We have won the spirit award every year that we have participated.

If you would like to participate in our team, please let me know. We are a part of the Lake Oswego Relay for Life, which will begin at 10am on Saturday, July 11th and goes until Sunday, July 12th at 10am…you can join us for all or a portion-whatever works best. We are also hosting a fundraiser at Papa’s Pizza on Tuesday, June 16th from open to close. 50% of all proceeds (when you bring in our flyer) will go to the American Cancer Society. There will also be some drawings for some really cool prizes. You can go here to see the items (let me know if you want to purchase raffle tix for them): http://lori-thenextchapter.blogspot.com/2009/05/relay-for-life-fundraisers.html.My family and I are planning on being at Papa's at around 6pm. Finally, you can make a donation directly to the Walking with Angels team. My individual goal is to raise $500. You can go to http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09GW?px=3728953&pg=personal&fr_id=14746 to get more information or make a donation. How cool would it be if we could find a cure to cancer in our lifetime? Please join us in the fight!

Another Year Older...

2009-05-04T16:07:00.000-07:00

Today, my "baby" is celebrating his 5th birthday. Little N has brought so much joy and laughter to our home and family. He is so much like his daddy, even down to the way he walks. His favorite things are having lightsaber and kung-fu battles with his dad and older brother, riding his bike, doing yardwork (although you wouldn't be able to tell from the current state of our yard) and creating artwork out of things he finds in the recycling bin.

Our little N absolutely adores animals and many of the neighborhood dogs love seeing him at the park. He's all boy and can be really physical (his preschool teacher has had to help him remember that pushing a buddy is probably not the best way to tell someone that you don't like it when they stand too close to you) but he also can be so sweet. He often will drop his legos or Star Wars action figures to come and give me or dad a quick kiss and hug and then jumps right back into his playtime. He also has a very vivid imagination...just today my sister was telling me a story about a 10 foot Lego tower he built. When she asked a few questions to get more details, he was happy to oblige...although he did admit later that it was actually a dream.

I am so excited to see how his personality will continue to grow and what his interests will be. I pray each day that he will grow up to be a man who is passionate about life and sharing his love of God with others. The photo above was taken at our church a couple of weeks ago. In it, the children are signing a piece of drywall that will be hung in our new worship center. Little N came home that night and told us how he and his friends prayed for our community. Such a grown up statement for such a little man! Happy birthday, Nater. I love you!!!!

Conversations from the backseat

2009-01-26T22:51:00.000-08:00

I overheard this conversation today as the boys and I were driving to drop my younger son off at preschool (my oldest didn't have school-teacher work day):

Little N: There's this girl in my class who wants to marry me.

Big N: How do you know?

Little N: Well, she tells me she wants to marry me and then she pushes me down on the ground.

Big N: Ohhhhh, I don't think you should marry her. She doesn't sound like she would be a very good wife.

Snowed in...

2008-12-18T19:57:00.000-08:00

So we've actually been able to go out and run some errands a couple of times this week, but I've been staying home for most of it. I usually don't mind driving in the snow, but it's all the other crazies out there!

Being cooped up for a few days can force you to get creative. The boys have been going stir crazy, but have also found some interesting ways to keep themselves entertained over the past few days.

Here's a brief sample of creativity outside of the box according to the Yamashiro boys:

Sing every Christmas carol you know at the top of your lungs, but instead of using the nouns the songs were written with, substitute them with the word poop, toot, booger or fart (or any combination). This will cause you to laugh hysterically and squirt water out your nose while choking on your pretzels (we learned that doing this during snack isn't the best choice).
Create an obstacle course (because your gym teacher did encourage you to stay active over break). Make it seem easy to your mom but actually, after she attempts just one run-through, she'll be incapacitated on the couch so you can get into things that you're not supposed to.
Hide the presents that were under the Christmas tree because your brother kept trying to figure out what they were...then forget where you hid them.

What did you do to help prevent boredom during Arctic Storm 2009?

Happy time of the year of which we cannot speak...

2008-12-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

In light of all of the recent brouhaha over not being able to say "Merry Christmas" lest we may offend someone who doesn't celebrate it, I would like to suggest that we look at all "holidays" (I use that term lightly so as not to offend) throughout the calendar year and seriously think about renaming them too. I mean how does it seem fair that we would wish people a Happy Father's Day? What if they don't believe in Father's Day? What if they have chosen to believe that there is not such thing as a father. Who are we to push our own fanatical ideals on them?! I mean, didn't our founding...uh oh...um...people of the male persuasion form the United States so we could have freedom from anything that might offend even one person?

So, I have come up with a few ideas of my own...possible name changes of other notable days during the year so we can all live in peace and harmony without forcing others to be exposed to the horrendous experience of people wishing them a "Merry Christmas". Please feel free to chime in with your ideas too. Together we can make this nation what it was meant to be...a place where people speak their minds only if it doesn't make ANYONE uncomfortable and where we must keep our opinions to ourselves because my belief may not be yours.

Happy Get Dressed Up and Get Some Candy Day
Happy Female Person Who Parents Someone Day
Happy Sperm Donor Day
Happy this Day is to Advance Sales of Chocolate and Hallmark Cards Day
Happy Date from Which You First Entered the World Day

Happy time of the year when everyone fights over whether there really is a Jesus, but are happy to take their "Winter" Break and buy "Holiday" Gifts for everyone they care about in honor of a Day that is still called Christmas on every calendar you see.

Tough Stuff

2008-12-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, our senior pastor's wife had an aneurism. She's still in critical condition in the hospital and her condition is being monitored closely. I have been praying nearly non-stop for John and his wife, Heather, since I first found out.

John is the shepherd of our church. He is a man who deeply loves Jesus, a man who has a passion for theology and also a great passion for people. I worked with him for nearly 7 years and it was tough at times. It's really easy to focus on the things that can make working with someone difficult instead of the things that you love and appreciate about them. I think we all tend to take the relationships we have for granted. I know I do. I get irritated with my husband for some of the most ridiculous things. But, I don't know what I would do without him. The same is true for many of my friends and my family. We just assume they'll always be there. But what if we lived each moment with those closest to us as if it was a gift? Because it IS. Each moment. A gift from God.

We're still unsure of what will happen with Heather. But one thing I am sure of is that I have a Heavenly Father who deeply loves her...who deeply loves me...who deeply loves all of us. He is who we can turn to during these times. He is the one we can trust. He understands the tough stuff...He's been there. He's waiting, arms open wide, for us to run to him with our worries, hurts and fears.

Seriously?!

2008-11-19T17:11:00.001-08:00

They're playing CHRISTMAS music on K103 "Your Christmas Music Station". Someone needs to get those poor people a calendar.

Stuff

2008-11-18T17:37:00.000-08:00

So it's been a while since I've updated. My computer was stricken with a super icky virus nearly a month ago and it's still being taken care of by a friend. I'm borrowing my mom's laptop for a few days. Things are good...God is amazingly good and I'm learning more and more to trust Him in all situations. I've got a few other things rolling around in this head of mine, but I'm not sure how to put them into words yet.

So, I leave you with this question. With the Christmas Season approaching, what's your most favorite Christmas memory and/or tradition?

Nunsense is Habit Forming

2008-10-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

Phew! It's been busy at our house!! With school, soccer and me being in a show we're having to really keep our schedule in check.

The show I'm in is called Nunsense and it has been such a fun experience. I'm playing a streetwise nun from Brooklyn named Sister Robert Anne. If you recall, last summer I was in a show and it had been a while. I love performing on stage, but so much of why I love it has changed in the past 8 years. I used to do it because I loved the applause, I loved that people focused on me. I'm sure there are all kinds of psychological reasons that's true, but I no longer crave that kind of attention from the audience (in the traditional sense of the word). The only audience I want to impress is the audience of One...God. I know it may sound corny for those of you who don't live for Him and that's okay. I'd love to explain it to you in detail if you're ever curious about it...just let me know.

I now know that one of the things He created me for was to be onstage...it's a way that I can worship Him. A way I can reflect back to Him what He has given me and taught me. I feel so humbled that He placed me in this production and I hope that I've stepped out of the way enough to allow Him to use me for His purpose.

If you'd like to come see Nunsense, details are below. I really do hope to see you there!!!

Nunsense, a musical comedy.
Join the Little Sisters of Hoboken as they put on a musical variety show to raise funds so they can bury their sisters who were the victims of an accidental poisoning by Sister Julia, Child of God, the convent cook.

HART Theatre, on the corner of 2nd and Washington in downtown Hillsboro (right next to the Civic Center Parking Lot). Free parking on the street, in the Civic Center Parking Lot (on Washington between 1st and 2nd St) or in the US Bank Parking Lot on 2nd between Washington and Main St.
October 10th through November 2nd. Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm and Sundays at 2pm.
Reservations (recommended) can be made by calling 503-693-7815. I do have access to as many $2 off coupons as I need.

Race to the Finish

2008-09-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

My older son had to stay home sick today. When we picked up my younger one from preschool, he had his weekly "Weekly Reader" homework with him. And...joy of joys (sigh, NOT) it's titled "Ready, Set, Vote!" Now, let me say that I strongly believe that voting in any election is a privelege and RESPONSIBILITY, but I am already so sick of all of the campaigning. Seriously, when will these people just say what they stand for, what they hope to accomplish and allow us to decide??!!

Okay, rant over. As we were driving home from school, here's the conversation I heard coming from the back seat:

Older N: Hey, there are pictures of the two guys who are running for president inside your homework.

Younger N: (pointing to McCain) He must already be the president. He looks old.

Older N: No he's not our president. The president we have right now is George Bush. These two guys (pointing at Obama and McCain) are going to race and whoever finishes first, wins.

Conversations at the breakfast table...

2008-09-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

Nate: There's this kid in my class who talks with his mouth totally full of food.

Noah: Oh, wow, he's going to be the laughingstock of the neighborhood.

Decluttering

2008-09-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

I just dropped my oldest off at his first day of first grade...and I didn't cry!!! I got a little misty-eyed this morning while we sat at the breakfast table together. He's growing up so fast...becoming this amazing person. I often thank God for choosing me to be his mom.

My youngest will be starting preschool next week. He's going to be in the 4-year-old class this year, which means this is my last year as a mom of a preschooler...ever. It's hard to believe, but I'm also loving watching him become the person he was created to be too.

With both boys in school at the same time, that will leave me with a few hours on Monday, Wedneday and Friday mornings with "nothing to do". I've decided that project number one will be getting rid of the stuff in our home that just takes up space. It's not an easy job. We get so used to the stuff...items that we hold onto for sentimental value, things that we don't realize are there because they've been there so long we don't really see them anymore, things that are hard for us to let go of because they've been a part of our lives for so long. Kind of like the stuff that I allow to take up space in my own life. The stuff that should be purged, but I don't want to let go of because I'm afraid of what will fill the emptiness left behind or, worse, I'm so used to it that I can't imagine life without it. I'm slowly working on decluttering the junk in my life...in my heart. It's not easy...but I know that once I'm able to let things go, it will be so worth it.

SOS!!

2008-07-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

So...I was able to have a girls night this past weekend (and Maury too!!). I always look forward to my time with the girls, but I was especially giddy last Saturday.

We started off with some good eats and then headed over to Century 16 for what we thought was an 8:50 showing of "Mamma Mia". It actually started at 8:40, but thanks to the endless parade of previews, we got the last seats that were available (in the very front) just as the movie was starting. I had seen the Broadway version and wasn't really confident that Meryl Streep would be able to pull off the vocals. I mean, I realize that ABBA songs aren't necessarily challenging, but it does help that the leading lady knows how to sing in a MUSICAL. Well, I shouldn't have spent so much time worrying about good ole Meryl, because due to a very strategic bit of casting, she sounded great. In fact, I think that a cat stuck in a carburator would sound great next to the primitive, gutteral vocal stylings of 007 himself, Pierce Brosnan. When he pushed out his first note (yeah, I said pushed...as if it was coming from his bowels), I had to turn away. I said "oh, NO"...and the people behind my friends and I started laughing. Thank goodness Maury was there to hold my hand and talk me through what seemed to be an eternity as he sang "SOS" with Meryl. I thought that first song would be as bad as it gets, but I was oh so wrong...because due to another questionable directorial decision, Pierce was told to take his shirt off, to reveal a chest and stomach so furry it would make Chewbacca drool. The girls and I let out a collective groan and again started laughing so hard that we were crying.

During Pierce's NEXT musical number (I mean, why stop at one bad vocal when you can put your audience through even more pain), the woman behind us let out an "Oh God, no."

Now, the film wasn't all bad. The supporting cast was actually really good and there were some really fun moments. If you're looking for a good laugh (not with someone but at them), then I wholeheartedly recommend this movie...but go with a friend because it's always funnier when you can share!!

Funny School

2008-07-21T11:07:00.001-07:00

My youngest loves running errands (he seriously does). So, when I had to make a quick trip to the grocery store the other night he volunteered to come along. He's the comedian of the family and was telling me a funny story...when he was finished, I asked him how he got to be so funny:

N-Well, I went to funny school.

Me-Really? What kind of things do you do at funny school?

N-Hmmm...well, first we make funny stuff.

Me-What kind of funny stuff do you make?

N-All kinds, but mostly funny faces.

Me-Wow...so what do you do after you make funny faces?

N-We do a funny dance.

Me-That sounds fun. What comes after the funny dance?

N-A hard dance.

Our conversation was then sidetracked by the fact that he saw a semi truck that looked like Optimus Prime. I often wonder what I did to deserve my kids.

Relay for Life 2008

2008-07-14T16:03:00.001-07:00

"There's No Place Like Hope". That was our theme this year at Relay for Life. It was our second year and, thanks to our amazing team captains, we were even more successful this year than last. Our team raised more than $6000 and we took home the Spirit Award again this year (I'm sure it's a shock to you all). :-)

We were committed to having at least one team member on the track throughout the entire relay (which began at 10am on Saturday and ended at 10am on Sunday) and we nearly made it! During one of the times I was assigned to be on the track, I was walking with my dear friend, Wendy. Earlier in the day, I had spent about an hour walking the track alone and I had spent much of my time whining to God about some trials my family and I are enduring. I asked Him many questions and didn't spend much time listening.

Wendy and I were talking and had just begun to walk in silence when we noticed the people walking in front of us. A mother and daughter with signs on their backs that read: "I walk in honor of my daddy" and "I walk in honor of my late husband." That's all I needed to gain my perspective. The things I worry about are not eternal. The things I worry about (most of the time) are not really that important. But I so often tend to get caught up in the "what ifs" and "how comes". That one moment on a high school track helped snap me back to reality and I was able to slow down and be still in my heart...and only then could I hear God whispering, "Do you trust me?" Yes!

Wendy and I wiped our tears and I said a prayer of thanksgiving to God for all He has given me...so many things I take for granted. My relationship with Him, my husband, my children, my family and my friends.

So many people walking that track had lost someone dear to them...or they had to watch a loved one endure cancer treatments...or they themselves were fighting cancer or celebrating having beaten it and yet, so many of them have such a deep, enduring, intimate relationship with their Father. It was truly an inspiration to be able to be among those who are living testimonies to God's grace, comfort and love for His children.

Deep thoughts...

2008-07-01T17:41:00.000-07:00

Even though it's summer vacation, we still like to keep our brains sharp here at the Yamashiro home...a great example of this is the conversations I hear between my boys...I love listening to them-I think that I become invisible while I'm making dinner, so I get to listen in on their deeper conversations...here's a portion of the intellectual banter I heard today:

Little N: Hey, does gravity make you go up or down.
Big N: Well, that depends on how much there is. Sometimes it makes you go down and sometimes it makes you fly up.
Little N: Yeah, like if there's 100% then you'll fall flat on your face.

Little N: Hey, you know why bouncy balls aren't very strong?
Big N: Yep, it's because they're made of rubber.
Little N: Yeah, but mostly because they're full of wind.

I meant to do that...

2008-06-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

I love my morning workouts. (I'm not so fond of them when the alarm goes off, but I'm happy once I'm at the gym). The gym I work out at has a women's only section that I like to go to. Everyone there is focused on finishing her workout, not attracting attention. You can get in and out without really being noticed and it's not too crowded. I love that I can be anonymous in a way. I don't really know anyone and I can be in my own world.

This morning at the gym there was a woman on the treadmill. She was near the end of her workout and the sun was shining in her eyes (the treadmills are set up facing a window). She put her machine on pause and pulled the shades in front of her. As she made her way back to the machine, she didn't notice that it had re-started. She grabbed onto the side bar and climbed on, without realizing that the thing was IN MOTION. It flung her off of the back, causing her to tweak her shoulder and hit her head on the side of the machine. Everyone stopped what they were doing...I mean, you couldn't ignore the "Ahhhh!!" she yelled out. They all stared and then quickly looked away...not wanting to make eye contact (I guess they didn't want to embarrass her). She was not about to allow the beast to throw her off without a fight, so she quickly jumped onto the sides of the machine, got her bearings and hopped right back on, finishing her workout! The only thing that makes this story even worse for her is that...she is ME.

My shoulder is still aching and I think I may have a pretty nice knot on my head, but at least I'm healthy, right???

Summer Vacation

2008-06-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have just survived the first week of summer break! As a good friend said, it was beginning to look more like summer broken earlier in the week, but we're starting to get the hang of being. together. all. day. long.

I thought I would share some of my most favorite quotes from the boys. I seriously have no idea where they get this stuff...

After a day of two playdates and many errands, my younger N says:
"Mom, I'm pooped, but NOT extinct."

Older N: "Mom, when's lunch?"
Me: "Oh, probably in about 20 minutes or so."
Older N: "Great! We have enough time to defeat the evil empire."

During lunch:
Older N: "Mom, if you could have any color light saber, what would it be?"
Me: "I don't know. I've never really thought about it."
Older N: "Well, you probably should just have a gun then."

While working in the back yard:
Younger N: "Mommy, I just saw the cutest centipede."

Later that day...
Younger N: "Daddy, don't sit in your chair, Cutie (his Webkinz-a stuffed animal) pooped in it."

And my all time favorite...after sending both boys to their room for letting a light saber battle get out of hand...
"Fine! We're going to stay in here forever and never play with you again! You'll be all by yourself for the rest of the day!" (Do they not realize that's not really punishment after a particularly rough day???)

So, anyway, I'm thinking that poop and Star Wars are going to be our themes for the summer. But that's okay...I wouldn't want to be anywhere else then with my two little guys.

The Big Debate

2008-06-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

Now that I have a little guy in school, I have found myself to be an unwilling participant in the education debate. Public School vs. Private (Christian) School vs. Home School.

I firmly believe that God has specifically chosen each one of us to parent the children he has given us because he knows that we are just the right fit. I also believe that I know what is best for my kids. But, there are some (making generalizations here) that believe that a "good" parent would never allow their children to be exposed to the mean, nasty world of public school.

For our family, at this time, public school is the best fit. My husband and I both had great experiences in public school and if it weren't for Christians attending the PUBLIC school my sister went to, I wouldn't be living my life with Christ as the center.

Now, please hear me when I say that I believe each family should make the choices that best fit their kids and situation. It's just that it seems that some people who have their kids in private Christian school or who homeschool sometimes believe that their education choices are better than what I have chosen for my family. I've heard all of the arguments, but my favorite is that "well, I believe that we should reach out to those who don't know Christ, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my own child's spiritual growth by putting them in public school." I'm not sure if it's intended, but the implication there is that I'm a bad parent because I'm putting my kids at risk.

I know that this is not the opinion of all parents who choose private school and homeschooling, but it certainly seems to be a hot button for some.

My hope is that we can support and respect each other's choices, knowing that as parents we ALL want what is best for our children.

Seriously????

2008-06-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

I found this on MSN.com today...

As a new kind of facial flies up search results, should we feel better that bird poo is organic? Um, how could it not be?That's right, "bird poo facial" is hot in search this week. Evidently, guano is being proudly offered in salons from New York to London. Search also unearths the news that bird poo is big business, at least in Peru, where it's also used for commercial fertilizers.

You can find a related article here:
http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/offbeat-news/bird-poo-facial

I'm just wondering...since it costs $200, do you think that maybe they use a specific type of bird poo...maybe from an exotic or rare bird...or is all bird poo the same?

All I Really Need To Know...

2008-06-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

My oldest is finishing his last week of Kindergarten. It's hard to believe. He is loving school and is so smart (I let my husband know how much our son is like me whenever I can). Today he asked me if I would cry on his last day. I told him I probably would, but I would do my best not to embarrass him...he wisely suggested that maybe I should wear my sunglasses that day...

Fifteen years ago, Robert Fulghum wrote a poem titled "All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten." I've included his version at the end of this post, but thought I'd include the version we've witnessed at our house and while I've volunteered in the classroom.

Poop and pee are two of the funniest words that you can ever share with a friend at recess
You must announce "I win" to the class whenever you finish your work first.
Three boys cannot use the same urinal without causing an "unfortunate" accident.
When you take kids on a hike at Hoyt Arboretum (and get to see lots of cool stuff...even a tree that has been hit by lightning), their favorite part will be riding the bus to and from.
Perfecting the armpit fart is something that should never be given up on.
Even though they're "big kids" now, they still need a hug and help back up when they fall.
A 10-year-old is one of the most mature people you'll ever know.

And now, I leave you with the real list:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think someand draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggestword of all - LOOK.

The Cover Up

2008-06-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

A few months ago my two boys were fighting (yep, they haven't fought again since). They were doing everything they could to irritate each other...we were dropping my oldest off at school and were getting out of the car, when he decided to try to come out of my younger son's door. Game ON. So, just as he was ready to make his exit, my younger one slammed the door on him...and in the process, slammed his own thumb in the door.

It wasn't pretty...and it looked (and sounded) like it REALLY hurt. It was a great teachable moment...we were able to talk about anger and how to deal with it...and that sometimes when we give into it, big owies can happen.

For the next few weeks, we'd clean it and put hydrogen peroxide on it. Whenever we took the bandaid off and his owie was exposed to the light, it would start to really hurt again. He would implore..."please, mommy, put the bandaid back on...it hurts when there's nothing over it."

Isn't it funny how our owies seem to hurt more when they are exposed to the light? When we actually have to look at them and see how they've changed us. When we see it with our eyes, it's as if the pain itself is being magnified.

I've got a few owies right now that God is trying to help me expose to the Light. I've been begging him to let me keep them covered...it feels better that way. But will I really be able to experience true healing if I don't allow Him to reveal the source of it to me...to clean and disinfect it so I can be whole again? It is so much easier-and in the short run, less painful-to keep it covered up as my little one so wisely said...but is that really what I want?

Papa's PIzza Fundraiser

2008-06-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, June 10th, you have another great opportunity to get some yummy food while supporting Walking with Angels at the same time. That's right...you can fight cancer while enjoying delicious pizza while your kiddos tear it up in the Papa's game room.

Why so convenient you ask? Well, that's just how Walking with Angels rolls.

All you need to do is print out the flyer below (right click on the image and select print), take it to Papa's Pizza in Beaverton (their address is conveniently located on the flyer) on June 10th and wait for that cheesy, saucy deliciousness to be prepared for you.

Relay for Life FUNraiser

2008-06-02T15:28:00.001-07:00

Who wants to go to a plain ole fundraiser when you can actually attend a FUNraiser????

Present this flyer at Sweet Tomatoes Restaurant in Beaverton on Tuesday, June 3rd between 5pm and 8pm, purchase a meal and a beverage and Sweet Tomatoes will donate 15% of your purchase price to the American Cancer Society. Enjoy a great meal and help a great organization! (Right click on the picture to save and print - you must bring the flyer to receive the donation!) 1225 NW Waterhouse Ave, Beaverton

Hope to see you there!!!!!

Conversations in the back seat

2008-05-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

My older son was imparting some wisdom on my younger son earlier today:

"You know, if you want to HAVE super powers...You have to be BORN with super powers.

Walking With Angels

2008-04-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

Our American Cancer Society Relay for Life Team is called Walking With Angels (as many of you know). Lori and Becci are our co-captains and both have experienced firsthand what cancer can do to a family.

Lori, has launched a website to help in the fight against cancer. Check it out here. You can read the stories of her daughter, Lillian, and Becci's mom, Lisa.

We've got some fundraisers in the works too...more to come on that soon.

Go here to check out a beautiful video tribute that Lori created for Lillian. Our hope is that one day, nobody will have to fight or watch a loved one fight cancer.

Lillian's Legacy

2008-04-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Last night at our church, we (along with some dear friends) were able to plant a tree in honor and memory of sweet Lillian. We chose a Cherry Blossom Tree because they represent the effervescance of life as well as feminine strength and beauty...all things that also represent Lillian. Jeff and Lori were able to come too, along with Lillian's little brother, Ian.

God was smiling down on us as we planted...originally we weren't supposed to have very good weather, but He provided us with sun/SON and NO rain!!! It was a sweet, peaceful time...the kids were just as eager to help as the adults (the dirt may have had something to do with it).

A friend of ours is a landscape artist and she gave us her landscaper"s discount and even picked up the tree for us and delivered it to the church (good thing, it's pretty big-it took 6 of us to carry it from the drop off point to the planting spot).

It has been planted in the yard at South Village (a home that our church purchased a couple of years ago). The thing about its location that is so perfect is that it can be seen from the window of what will soon be our Pastor to Children's office AND the preschoolers will take nature walks right by it each fall and spring. I've already spoken with our preschool teacher and they will make sure that the children know who Lillian was and why the tree is so special.

Thank you to everyone who helped with the planting last night, as well as those of you who helped make the tree planting possible with your generous donations.

We really do belong to an amazing community of people!!!! My prayer is that we will all continue to honor Lillian's short life, while fighting for the children, families, people who are currently fighting cancer.

Life is Precious

2008-04-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

One year ago I called Dornbecher Hospital to check on my dear friend, Lori, who was watching her 2 1/2 year-old daughter, Lillian, fight cancer. I knew that her little one was facing a really rough time and I wanted to check in to see if we could bring anything by or come to take her away for lunch.

When I asked to be transferred to their room, the operator took a while to find the right extension. When she came back on the line, she told me that there was nobody listed in the hospital with Lillian's name. "There must be some mistake", I remember telling her. "I just read an update on my friend's blog about Lillian's condition and there's no way she could have gone home this soon." The operator put me on hold again and as I was waiting, I realized what I had said..."there's no way she could have gone home this soon. Home...HOME. No...NO! It's too soon, Lord." A woman with a gentle voice broke into my silent conversation. "Hello, I'm with the bereavement department..." I don't remember much of what she said after that.

I immediately hung up with her and checked my friend's blog again...this has to be a mistake...there's no way it could be true. God wouldn't do this...not to Lori and Jeff, two of the most dedicated, loving parents I've ever seen. Then I saw it...in the comments section of her latest post...someone who was offering their prayers and condolences for their loss. I couldn't believe it. I felt I had to do something. I called our church and spoke with a dear friend who works in the front office. Lori and her husband attend the church too. It took me a moment to compose myself long enough to be able to say the words...the words that nobody ever wants to hear themselves speak...she didn't make it. My friend who answered the phone cried with me and said she'd pass the information along to the pastors. I held onto my little boys so tightly that day and for many days after...not wanting to let them out of my sight. Life is such a gift and I spend so much time working for something instead of savoring what's right in front of me.

It's hard to watch someone you care about have to walk through a pain that you can't comprehend and can't really do much to relieve. I prayed for her, as hard as I could, but I felt I needed to do more than that. I wanted to honor Lillian's memory...I wanted to do something to show Lori and Jeff how much I care for them.

Then, Lori contacted me with an opportunity to be on her Relay for Life team. We were able to raise money that went directly to the American Cancer Society so we could help find a cure for cancer. So no other parents, daughters, sons, family members and friends would ever have to endure the pain that cancer pours onto all of its victims.

We'll be doing the relay again this year. Last year, after only five weeks of preparation, we were able to raise some serious funds and took home the Spirit Award (we are a fun group, after all). This year we plan on defending our Spirit Award title and far outdoing the monies we were able to raise last year. There is still more room on our team if you're interested.

I pray that there will be a day when NOBODY will have to watch their loved one battle cancer and lose.

Conversations from the back seat...

2008-03-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

As my younger son and I were driving to Trader Joe's today he says:

"Mommy, God doesn't have a piggy bank."

Me: He doesn't? Why not?

"Um...because, he's a daddy. Dads don't need piggy banks because they're all growed up. But Jesus has a piggy bank. Because he's a son. God's son."

My Birthday (by N)

2008-02-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

My birthday was at OGA (Oregon Gymnastics Academy). We jumped in the cheese pit, jumped and ran on the trampoline, and played red light green light on the bouncy house. We came home and played the Wii. We played Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. I played it for a long time. My good friends bought it for me for my birthday. We stayed up until 10:00 (way past my bed time). Because we had fun playing.

I got a Wii sports pack too...it's for tennis, baseball and golf. And I got a transformer and we had cake. I loved spending time with my friends and cousins and playing with them. It was fun at my birthday. I wish it could be at Disneyland. Or Disneyworld. But OGA was really fun too.

My Maui Gramma came to visit for 2 weeks!!!!! We did fun stuff with her...we went to Costco, watched movies while mom was at the Women's Retreat, we went to the zoo, we went to McDonald's for lunch and Tom's Pancake House for breakfast. She played games with us and I love her very much. I missed her when she left on Monday!

I felt special and happy. I love all of my friends and family.

Time DOES fly!!

2008-02-10T16:58:00.000-08:00

My husband and I tried for quite a few years to get pregnant before we made our first appointment with a fertility specialist. Then, one week before our appointment, we found I was pregnant. We were so humbled by God's gift to us. Our baby boy was born six years ago today.

I remember people telling me that the time would fly by...but with all of the feedings, diaper changes, doctor appointments, sleepless nights and long list of other things that goes along with having a baby, I didn't really believe them. I remember spending so much time looking forward to what he would do next instead of savoring each moment. I think many of us who are first-time moms tend to do that. Your life has changed so much, that you long for something to prove that you're making some kind of progress.

Now that he's six, I find myself willing time to stand still. There are trying times, for sure. He is now in Kindergarten and beginning to test his wings, learning that he is independent and doesn't need us (his parents) as much as he used to. But, there are times when we have sweet moments together when I want to stop the clock just so I can savor it...remember every minute detail about where we are, what we are doing and how close to Heaven it must be like and feel like.

I'm loving watching his personality develop...he's a total perfectionist (not sure where he gets that from), is very sensitive and can be pretty shy at times. He loves to make up games with his little brother and does a happy dance whenever he's really excited about something. He also loves to learn and asks questions about anything he doesn't understand or wants to know more about. Many times I have no idea what I did to deserve being his mommy, but I'm so thankful God chose me.

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy. I love you all the way to the moon and back!!

Letting Go

2008-01-28T21:44:00.000-08:00

I grew up without my birth father in my life. Actually, that's not entirely true...he came in and out a couple of times...when it was convenient for him. Each time, I would do something that didn't meet his expectations and he would decide that being a father wasn't for him. I never really knew what would set him off...sometimes I would make a choice that he didn't agree with or I'd ask too many questions about why he wasn't around very much.

About 6 1/2 years ago, we started talking again. I had just found out I was pregnant with my oldest child and I wanted to know my medical history from his side of the family. We started spending time together but I was always anxious. Would I say or do the wrong thing? Would he get angry and leave again? My stomach was always in knots in the days leading up to our visits and then a few days after. At this point, I had put up a pretty large, thick wall and no amount of his reminiscing about how happy he was when I was born could bring it down. He was always nervous around me too...I could tell. He spent most of our time together talking about himself and what his hopes and dreams had been. At one point he actually told me that he didn't want to spend time with me and my kids because they took my attention away from him. He had never remarried after my mom left and has spent the past 36 years alone. I can see why he's kind of self-centered.

I always envied my friends who had loving relationships with their fathers. I longed for a daddy who would adore me and protect me. I know I have that (and more) in my Heavenly Father, but it doesn't make the sting of rejection from my earthly father any less painful.

Recently, I've finally begun the process of letting go of the little girl dreams I have for a dad. I haven't been spending time with him which seems to be helping.

But, I've noticed the deeper I get into the letting go process, the larger the wall around me gets. I've entered a sort of self-preservation mode where I'm constantly fighting the urge to push even my closest friends and family away. It's funny...the relationship that has caused me so much heartache throughout my life is one of the most difficult I've ever had to walk away from. And then those that are the most dear to me are at the greatest risk of suffering the consequences.

I know this may not be forever and I'm working really hard to pray for him each day. But I also know that it's okay for me to put myself first right now (even though it seems so odd to feel that way). I don't think I'll ever understand how he could walk away from me when I was little...especially now that I have children of my own. I do know in my mind (and it's slowly making it's way to my heart) that this is his issue.

Letting go of what I wish would have been is the only way I can embrace what I have in my life now...relationships with friends and family that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world and a perfect Father who loves me in ways I can't even begin to imagine.

N's First Blog Post

2008-01-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

My oldest son, N, competed in the AWANA Grand Prix today (a car race where the AWANA kids bring cars they made and designed. This is a post of his experience:

I made a car that was in last place three times. I was sad. And it came it third and second too. I was happy. Me and my brother got to play with our friend. I learned that if you want to come in third or second or first, you have to build a small car. I made a Herbie car (from the movie "The Love Bug"). It was a tall car. Mine was the only one that was a Disney theme. I was angry when I didn't get a trophy. Mom and dad said it doesn't matter if you win...it matters if you are having fun. I didn't believe them. But then we ate a hot dog and chips and I was happy again. I will try to do my best again next year.

The Biggest Loser....Week 2

2008-01-14T19:37:00.000-08:00

This week has been a little easier. My cravings aren't as bad and after seeing some pretty decent results last week, I felt more excited about reaching my goal. It also helps that I've got two young children who are loving playing the part of Food Police each time I enter the kitchen.

I was able to work out five out of seven days this week and it's felt great. I even tried the Step Class offered at my gym this morning (VERY EARLY). I used to religiously attend a Mon/Wed/Fri step class back BK (before kids) in my early married years. I've had some decent dance experience through the years because of being so involved in theatre, so those types of classes have always been pretty easy for me to pick up. Today I entered a sort of Exercise Twilight Zone.

My mind knew what the perky, adorable instructor was saying, but somehow my body seemed to be at least five beats behind. In the first five minutes of class I managed to trip over the step, face the wrong way each time the class ended up facing my direction and nearly kick the woman standing in front of me. It was so helpful, though, when the grandmother of three standing next to me kept LOUDLY whispering..."Don't worry dear, you'll get it soon. Look at me." I wanted to kick her, but then realized that she could recognize me...I did do the greeting and announcements at church this last weekend after all.

As I progressed, I started getting the hang of it. I was looking good, okay, I'm starting to represent...then I actually caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...hair sticking out, heaving in oxygen and a face the color of Ronald McDonald's nose (who, by the way, is evil!!! I curse all fast food cheeseburgers and fries...especially the really greasy ones that sound SO GOOD right now).

The petite blonde machine....um I mean, instructor, is singing out our instructions and decides we're ready to add on to what she's already taught us....but I FINALLY figured out what we were just doing. Then I realize...she is actually Satan in a Nike hat and size 0 pants.

The workout actually did end well and I'm really looking forward to my next chance at humiliation...um I mean, fitness, next Monday morning....until then, I'll be doing my cardio and weights, alternating with my Cardio Dance DVD.

The Biggest Loser

2008-01-08T17:06:00.001-08:00

When I was younger, I never really had to struggle with my weight. I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted and not worry about it going straight to my hips or my butt. There were times when I had to watch what I ate because I was working toward looking really fit for something (a role in a show, my wedding, my 10-year High School Reunion) but I really only had to focus on changing my eating habits for a couple of weeks and the weight seemed to come off pretty easily.

Well, my friends...that time has come to an end. It actually came to an end about two years ago (I've just been in denial)...when I quit nursing my youngest. The combination of snacking all the time with two little boys, not making time to go to the gym because I was too exhausted and entering my late 30s caused my metabolism to come to a screeching halt.

Then, my dear friend Lori, came up with a plan. Offer the chance to participate in a friendly, local version of "The Biggest Loser." We've got a group of people involved that are commited to changing their eating and exercise habits not only to lose a few pounds but to live a healthier life. I love that. (The money that we could win isn't a bad motivator either). We started last week and I have to admit, there are times that I HATE not being able to eat whatever I want. It's definitely been a learning experience. I never realized how many times I snacked on crackers while putting away the snacks my boys didn't finish......or how many times I eat because I'm bored....or how many times I eat because someone else is.

I'm definitely a social eater. I love to get together with friends over really good food. My hubby bought me "The Biggest Loser Cookbook" for Christmas and we've discovered some new recipes that are not only low in fat and calories but VERY yummy and filling. So...if you'd like to come over and sample my new culinary skillz, give me a call.

Here's a recap of my week:
Day 1: Followed my 1500 calorie a day diet and sent in my starting weight...boy was that a wake-up call!
Day 2: Worked out to my Crunch Cardio Dance DVD...I love it...lots of dance so it seems like it's more fun than working out...and boy do I work up a sweat. My boys call it my "booty shaking video". Still eating well.
Day 3: Played tag and raced with the kids for 40 minutes. Still eating well.
Day 4: Worked out at the gym at 5:30 am. Took care of a sick little one. Still eating well.
Day 5: No workout today...hubby is home sick, so I took the boys to run errands with me which, I think, qualifies as a workout.
Day 6: Went to the gym. Still eating well.
Day 7: Went to the gym at 5:30am. Took the boys to Costco and bought some super yummy multi-grain, no fat waffles. As I was making room for them in the freezer, I stumbled upon a pint of Cold Stone Coffee Lovers Ice Cream. I caved and ate the rest...which was only about one cup, but I felt so badly about it that I chased it down with 2 Hershey's Kisses and my son's leftover slice of Costco Pepperoni pizza.
Today: Got my behind out of bed at 6:30 and did my Cardio Dance DVD. So far so good in the food department.

Please pray that my desire to be fit and healthy outweighs my desire for chocolate! I'm so excited to feel stronger and healthier!!!

Christmas Thoughts

2007-12-21T15:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I know my posts haven't been too deep lately. I've had plenty on my mind, but have been trying to figure out how to put it down on "paper". It's been an interesting Christmas season. Normally at this time of year, I'm scrambling with preparations for Christmas with my family and the Christmas Eve services at my church. I've still been working on the family stuff, but decided to sit this Christmas Eve out since I just stepped down last August. It's been tough. I would say that, hands down, Christmas Eve was my most favorite part about my job. I love Christmas...I love what it means and sharing it with people in my life (as well as those who come to the candlelight services). I loved getting to church at 11am on Christmas Eve and working until at least 1am on Christmas Day with people who have become like a second family (hey, you get pretty close spending that much time together). One of my highlights each year is the 11pm service. After everyone has a lit candle and just before the congregation sings "Silent Night", the people I've done Christmas Eve with for the past 7 years and I head up to the balcony. We're the only ones there besides our sound guy. We sit together and worship together in that magical moment when the clock strikes twelve and it's Christmas Day...the first finale of the many that God has gifted us with. It's so peace-filled and joyful.

I'm going to miss that this year, but I know that I need to stay home with my family...I want to. I've never been able to put my boys to bed on Christmas Eve and I'm so looking forward to that. I can't wait to come down the stairs with my hubby after the boys are sleeping and curl up in front of the fire with a glass of wine and just hang out with him. This is the beginning of another chapter in my life and I'm loving watching how the story unfolds.

I hope that you have been able to carve out some time to slow down and bask in the glorious wonder of what our God has done for us...just because He loves us so much. If you need a candlelight service to attend, I know of one that will not only knock your socks off, but also guide you to the true reason we all feel that undescribable tugging in our hearts during this time of year.

With that, I leave you with what I have learned this Christmas Season...

1. Easy cheese and wheat thins taste MUCH better when you're 10.

2. Kids in the preschool program are so adorable that techinical difficulties don't matter.

3. Hearing your 5-year-old read the Christmas story out of his own (brand new) Bible will bring tears to your eyes.

4. That thing you stood in line for the day after Thanksgiving (at 5am) will go on sale again (during regular store hours) the week before Christmas.

5. Making time each day to be still with God...even when every ounce of your being is screaming "but there is still SO much to do" will refresh and restore you.

Deep thoughts from my brother

2007-12-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

Got this text the other day from my brother...

I saw two geese fighting today and I thought, "hey, that's like a pillow fight...but before."

Our family get togethers are ALWAYS fun!!

Conversations from the back seat...

2007-12-03T15:33:00.001-08:00

As we were driving home from the grocery store today, my older son says...

"Hey mom, wouldn't it be so cool if when you drove super fast the police gave you movie tickets?"

Of course I said "That WOULD be cool."

Then he says..."Yeah, then everybody would drive really fast and we'd see all of our friends at the movies."

Maybe we should get out more...

2007-11-29T12:31:00.000-08:00

While we were putting on our shoes, preparing to take my oldest son to school today, he asks..."So, what are you and N going to do today while I'm at school?" I tell him we're headed to the Laundromat to wash our king-sized comforter (it doesn't fit in our washing machine).

He stomps his foot, puts his hands on his hip and whines..."No fair! N gets to have all the fun whenever I'm at school!"

I'm thinking it's time to start planning more interesting outings during the day!

Bella

2007-11-26T10:24:00.001-08:00

This weekend, I was able to see a movie with my dear friend, Lori. She first told me about Bella a couple of weeks ago. It's about a woman who gets pregnant and is set on having an abortion. A friend of hers walks through the decision she ultimately makes with her, all the while coming to terms with a tragedy that occured in his own life.

All through the film, you see her struggling with her choice. It's common in our culture. Life is disposable. We view it as an inconvenience when it doesn't fit into our plans. Many women don't know when life begins and how precious it is because the life of an unborn child has been turned into a political issue. The word Pro-Life can be a turn off. I know for many people it conjures up images of protestors holding ulgy signs, screaming horrible things at women who are in pain, heading into a building to have a procedure that will change their lives forever...and those women will exit quietly, discreetly through the back door when it's all over, broken in a way they had never imagined they could be. And who will wait for them at the back door? Nobody. Because many people see the women as a lost cause now...the procedure has already been done. Many people don't realize that these women need to be loved more than they ever did, because they leave consumed with an emptiness that goes so deep they'll do anything to fill it up.

I loved the film. Instead of focusing on death, it focuses on life. It forces the audience to see the people, not the issues. It's not easy to watch at times, but I think that's the point. Christ called us to love one another. But that can be one of the most difficult things to do at times. Dealing with pain and brokenness is never easy. Looking past a person's wounds and faults can almost be unbearable. But, if we do, it can be one of the most worthwhile things we'll ever find ourselves a part of.

Parenting advice from my five-year-old

2007-11-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

So...it's been hectic in our household this week (as I'm sure it's been for many of you). My youngest is pretty physical and likes to have time to run and play...something we didn't get much of today because we were helping out in classrooms and having meetings. When we finally got home, the younger one decided he needed to burn off some energy by jumping off of the back of our couch (that's right...I said the back-the highest part). I told him that he needed to take a break in his room for a while and he told me no. My oldest than tells me..."Mom, maybe he should go upstairs and think about God's word for a while". Where does he come up with this stuff?

Conversations at the breakfast table...

2007-11-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

As we were eating breakfast this morning, my older son asks me..."Mommy, when can we buy a monkey?"

I ask him why he wants one and he says, "Because. Well, um, they're cool. And you and dad said we can't have a dog for 2 more years."

You gotta applaud his logic.

Random question time!

2007-11-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

Okay...time to get away from the drama that has been swirling around and back to some fun!

If you could be on any reality television show, which would you choose and why?

He started it!!!

2007-11-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

I hear that a lot. My two boys really do love each other, but boy can they duke it out when they get going. When that happens and I asked how it all started, they both usually say (in unison)..."He started it!"

I think I know where they got that from. The pastor at my church has his own blog. I always look forward to his posts, but usually not the comments. There are two men who visit his blog and leave comments that come across as insulting and devisive. They're both Christians and I'm not really sure why they do that (okay, I have some ideas, but like my mom always said...if you don't have anything nice to say....). Anyway, their "God-inspired" input often comes across as a personal attack on our pastor and congregation. I know that none of us is perfect, but why do people have to be so mean sometimes? Especially fellow believers?

The comments usually reach double digit numbers because people engage in conversation with them. Trying to defend what our pastor has said and who he is...and ultimately who we are as a community/congregation. I usually read what they say, think up this snarky comment and then decide not to publish it...until last week. I just couldn't help myself. I made a comment that reflected the same attitude that I find so irritating coming from them.

Then this morning, as my kids were fighting over who got to use the yellow crayon first (resulting in a crayon being thrown smack into my 5-year-old's forehead...and the classic "He started it" answer), I realized I was acting like a 3-year-old too. What if a non-Christian stumbled onto our Pastor's blog...what would they think about our community? What if someone who was thinking about trying out my church decided to check out his blog...would they really see the place we hope to be? I don't like the answers to those questions. But, before I move forward as an adult, I do need to just get this one thing out...THEY started it!!!

Okay, I feel much better now. Time to focus on how Jesus wants me to live, being thankful for the blessings in my life, striving to become more like Him and hopefully, being a positive example of who He is!

A past post that I thought could bear repeating...

2007-10-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was growing very tired of the complaining and finger pointing happening on so many Christian blogs. We have the power and love of Christ!!! This is something to be celebrated!!! I think that one of the ways the enemy distracts us is by helping us to keep at the top of our minds all of the things we don't have AND that other people would be so much better off if they would do things our way...the latter thought (and a response on Pastor John's blog-then and recently) prompted the entry below.

If Christians spent half the time actually trying to share why they love and follow Christ with those that don't know him as they do arguing about how they should do it, or that their way is better than someone else's because the way they live is more Christlike...etc, etc, etc...can you imagine how many people would actually be living changed lives as a result of giving their lives to Christ? It would be a number that I'm sure none of us could predict. Others will be drawn to Him because of the life we're living...because we're different and we shine with our love for Him (and His love for us)...because we belong to a community of broken people who love each other through past/present/future hurts and triumphs. Because His Truth, Love and Word are the only things that will fill our emptiness.

Conversations in the back seat

2007-10-17T12:42:00.001-07:00

As we're driving to see my sister-in-law this morning, this is part of a conversation my two boys had in the back seat:

Older Son- You know what? Hell is a very bad place. It's no fun...there are no good friends to play with.

Younger Son-No good friends?

Older Son-Nope, only anemones.

I'll Take One of Each, Please

2007-10-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, who doesn't love cupcakes? They're pretty close to the perfect dessert. Creamy frosting, moist cake, in a perfect size...for one!

What if I told you that you could eat a cupcake and fight cancer at the same time? Pretty cool, huh?

Here's the deal:
National Cupcakes for a Cause Week is October 15-21, when participating bakeries across the US help support CancerCare for Kids.

A Portland cupcake shop, Saint Cupcake, is participating. Your part is easy....go to Saint Cupcake, choose your favorite one(s), enjoy, support cancer for kids. Almost nothing can drive the icky weather blues away like your own personal dessert treat. I'm telling you, the website alone will make your mouth water!! Let me know if you need a friend to go along...I'm willing to make the sacrifice...and my little guys will thank you!!

There are some days I'll never forget

2007-10-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

One year ago I was trying to get a hold of one of my close friends and couldn't. We had tickets to a play and I was hoping to coordinate where we would be going for dinner and talk about what we'd all be wearing. It was odd, she usually responded right away to email...especially when we were planning a night out with our season tickets to the theatre. She called late that afternoon...our conversation changed the way I see my children...it opened my eyes to suffering and pain that I had never really stopped to think were a part of each day for some people. "Jenn, I won't be able to make it to the play tomorrow night." I made some smart alecky comment and then she said to me, "Lillian has a brain tumor."

My dear friend's little girl had been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. I didn't know what to say...what do you say to someone when you know their life will never be the same again? As I watched my friend, who so fiercely loves her precious little girl, watch her little one battle one of the ugliest diseases to ever enter anyone's life I had no idea what to do. Those of you who know me know that it's a VERY rare day when I don't have something to say, but I truly was speechless. I felt so helpless...and then I felt selfish because how could I even begin to feel that way...she was the one who had to endure what will most likely be one of the most difficult battles of her life.

I was so angry with God when Lillian joined Him in heaven. It was just before Easter and I couldn't understand how He could do that at a time of year when we are supposed to be focused on life. I remember standing in the back of the sanctuary during worship with my arms folded, unable to sing any of the words to some of my most favorite worship songs. When I did finally force myself to worship, I was barely able to choke out the words between my tears.

My friend has such strength, grace and humility. After she said goodbye to her little one she continued to support the children in her cancer community. She took them home-cooked meals and is such a great source of comfort to many of them. She grew stronger in her faith and her relationship with God.

I know God uses all things for good. I'm slowly starting to realize how He's using the sweet light of Lillian's life. I had never really stopped to think about how childhood cancer affects so many people. I mean I'd usually cry when I would see their stories on the news, but it had never affected me personally. I used to waste so much of my time doing mindless things instead of spending time with my kids. I still often worry about trivial things, but I try to be so much more aware of what's really important and what really constitutes a tragedy.

Over 40,000 kids are battling cancer right now. And the incidence of childhood cancer is growing with no explanation. It is the number one killer of children by disease - more than asthma, cystic fibrosis and pediatric AIDS combined. Yet the funding for childhood cancer research is nominal and has been cut! This is simply ridiculous. Especially now that I have seen firsthand what so many children and their families are forced to deal with on a daily basis. I have joined an online advocacy network at http://www.curesearch.org/. They notify me of any cancer related bills so I can send a pre-written e-mail to my elected officials. I'd like to encourage you to do the same. Please don't let these beautiful, precious children fight this disease alone.

When I Grow Up...part 2

2007-10-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

My kids are at the age where they're always talking about what they want to be when they grow up...the list is always changing and has included golfer, artist, race car driver, superhero, fire fighter and spy. They're in the living room now, designing what my 3-year-old refers to as a "popsicle course" (I'm sure you've figured out that actually means obstacle course...they're in spy training).

But, this leads me to a question for all of you...this is a great time for you lurkers to chime in :-).

(Some of you may remember a similar question on my friend, Lori's blog, but I figure what the heck!)

What did you dream of being or doing when you were little?

Who Am I, Anyway...

2007-09-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

That's a line from a song in the musical, "A Chorus Line." I did that show when I was a senior in high school and we all loved the portion of the opening number where one of the characters steps forward, singing "Who am I anyway, am I my resume, that is a picture of a person I don't know..." I remember really identifying with that back then and things have seemed to be that way again for me. I've had a job since I was 14. I've always worked and, like many people, my jobs (especially those after college) have helped to define who I am. Now I don't work...outside of the home (working inside is much more difficult...I'm sure I'll have more posts on that later). I used to be the Director of Creative Arts. Now I'm not.

I know that the decision to leave my job is exactly what needed to be done for my family. God had been gently nudging me toward this decision for nearly a year, but I fought him. The truth is, I think I was afraid to let go of it because it's such a huge part of who I am. But that's not always a good thing. I was too caught up in what I wanted for myself instead of what He wanted for me and my family.

Two weeks ago, our pastor asked us a question...are we more interested in impressing or impacting. I think he was looking directly at me when he asked it. Seriously...do you ever sit in those sermons where the Word smacks you right in the face, taking your breath away?

I'll admit it...a small piece of why I liked my job was because I got to be visible. My ego did sometimes get in the way. I worked so hard not to allow that to happen, but I don't think I'd be completely honest if I said it never did. But I also loved (and felt like I would burst) when people would use their gifts to draw others closer to Him. I loved being a part of the creative process and thinking strategically about different ways to help draw people closer to God in Worship through the use of the arts.

But I have now entered a different season. I get to stay home with my kids. My husband works-very hard-so I can do that. I am so thankful for him and his willingness to allow me to figure out on my own what was best for our family. I don't want this to come across as complaining...I am so thankful for my children and that I get to stay home with them, but I'm struggling with who I am now. When people ask me what I do, I find myself telling them, "well, I used to be the Creative Arts Director for my church, but I just quit so I can stay home with my kids." Why do I feel the need to justify and qualify my decision? I think part of it is our culture...people don't really see staying at home as work (I know this is a gross generalization, but you know what I mean). I also think that I want people to know that I'm more than a mom. But why is that? Being a mother is a God-given gift and shouldn't I be honored to be able to do this?

So...who am I? I'm not sure yet. I know that God understands my frustration. I know that he has my heart in His hand and wants what is best for me. I just need to learn to TRUST His timing. It seems so easy, doesn't it? I want to go into each day thanking Him for all He has done for me...all He has given me. I know how blessed I am. I want to live a life that glorifies Him. I know that through all of that, I'll figure out who I am. I'm SLOWLY learning that as I learn to let go of my wants and desires, the "holes" left behind can be filled up with God's grace.

Relay for Life

2007-09-12T13:04:00.001-07:00

As most of you know, my dear friend Lori has a little girl waiting for her in Heaven because of cancer. I was just having dinner with her last night and told her that now that I've been exposed to her cancer community (families who have also been affected by cancer), I am literally awestruck at how amazing these families truly are. I find myself asking God why he would allow this to happen to such strong, graceful families...but I find the answer within my question...their strength and God's grace are the only things that can get them through. Lori told me that it's not really a choice. Nobody asks for their child to get cancer, but the majority of parents who have to watch their babies fight this hateful disease exhibit such strength and grace simply because there is no other option. I still think she and her husband are amazing and such beautiful examples to all of us.

Lori and our friend Becci, assembled a team of their friends and family to participate in the Lake Oswego Relay for Life back in July...our team, Walking with Angels, walked in memory of Lori's precious Lillian and Becci's mom (who lost her battle with breast cancer) as well as a long list of others-adults and children-who were battling or had battled cancer (our angels on earth and in heaven). Because of your generosity, as well as people attending the relay, we were able to raise the most money out of any of the teams there. We also won the Spirit Award, because, well...do I even have to explain?

Anyway, Lori has set up a way for us to start fundraising now and you don't even have to buy anything that you normally wouldn't. Here's the scoop (shamelessly taken directly from Lori's blog):

I have a great fundraiser for Relay for Life...and it won't cost you a cent. (Yep, already starting the fundraising train for next year!) If you sign up for free with iGive and select "Walking with Angels - Relay for Life" as your cause, everytime you shop at one of the participating online stores, a portion of your purchase price will automatically be donated to Relay for Life. And we're talking GREAT stores like iTunes, Baby Gap, Delta Airlines, Eddie Bauer, Home Depot, Nordstrom, Overstock.com, REI, Target and hundreds more! So please, sign up and select Walking with Angels as your cause. And just think, now you have an excuse to go shopping online (as if you really needed one).
Happy Shopping everyone!!!

A Week Filled With Firsts

2007-09-09T11:25:00.001-07:00

We've had plenty of firsts this past week. It's been exciting, overwhelming and exhausting. I'm entering a new season of life and although the changes can be exciting, they are also unsettling.

When I first began hearing whispers from God that it might be time to step down from my position as the Creative Arts Director of my church, I didn't want to listen. I was sure He was just giving me a suggestion (why do so many of our "conversations" start out that way???) I fought it for nearly a year, but finally realized it was what needed to happen for me to be the mom and wife he wanted me to be while I was on vacation in late May/early June. My last day as a staff member at Village was August 31st. I've never not worked outside of the home and I've already been exposed to the questions that I'm sure will tempt me to make some snarky remark almost constantly "So, do you just stay home with your kids or do you work too?" I'd love to have these people over for just one day and allow them to "just stay home with my kids"...I'm sure after 20 minutes they'd be begging to get back to their real jobs. Last week was my FIRST week at home with my kids full-time. I'm sure this new change will inspire many blog posts in the future.

As I said in my last post, my oldest started his FIRST day of school.

I still can't believe it. He's loving it and making new friends each day. When he discovered that a few of his friends ride the bus to school, he begged us to let him do it too. So, on Friday, my baby boy got onto the HUGE school bus. I thought I was done crying that week, but watching my sweet little one get on to that huge bus with such confidence just about did me in. It didn't help that his video of choice that very morning was a compilation of videos we made of him while he was an infant. All I could think of was the first time we had brought him home and how much joy has been added to our lives from the moment God added him to our family. My oldest also had his FIRST soccer game yesterday (yep, I'm officially a soccer mom).

It was such fun watching those little ones kick and chase the ball. The coaches are so patient and kind with the kids...their number one rule is for them to have fun and the kids definitely did. One of my favorite moments of the game was when the coach made a substition to allow a player on the bench to get some playing time. Once she ran onto the field and joined the other two players-my son was one of them-they had a mini conference, allowing the other team to score a goal. I love that they are more interested in having fun than winning.

We've got one more first coming up this week...my youngest will have his FIRST day of preschool.

Did I mention that this is a season full of change? He's really looking forward to being at "big boy school." And I am too (I think...). All of this change has definitely kept me busy. I remember talking to a dear friend of mine late last spring. She has two children (one in middle school and one in elementary). I told her I was really looking forward to both of my kids being in school because then I'd have so much more time. She smiled a kind but "you have no idea what you just said" smile and told me that I'd be busier once they were in school. I remember thinking that there was no way that could be true. Boy was I wrong! With volunteering for the PTO, fundraisers for our new school, activity schedules and two completely different school schedules (morning preschool and afternoon kindergarten) I'm thinking she knew what she was talking about!

I'm really looking forward to seeing what this new season holds. But, I'm also nervous. I'm not great at handling change and trusting God (even though I know I should) with the unknown (my unknown-not His). I hope I can slow down enough to truly enjoy every moment that He's given me to be a mom & wife, while allowing Him to mold me into what He wants me to be. Sometimes it seems to overwhelming, but then I remember...I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Gosh that sounds so easy when I write it down like that...I'm praying that scripture will remain close to my mind and heart in the coming months.

First Day of School

2007-09-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

Today was my oldest's first day of Kindergarten. He's been in preschool for the past two years, being taught by a close family friend. Someone we knew would teach him how much God loves him...someone who loves him and knew him from the moment he was born.

I wasn't sure how I'd respond today. I mean, I felt pretty good these past few weeks. My sweet boy loves to learn and was so excited to be starting Kindergarten. We live within walking distance of our school, so he and his brother rode their bikes while his dad and I walked behind them. I was doing fine until we had parked the bike and he started up the walk to the school. He looked so small against the huge entry doors. But he was so confident walking through the halls to his classroom.

As soon as he walked in and let his teacher know he was there, he ran over to us and gave us a hug and a kiss..."goodbye mommy, I love you. I'll miss you while I'm at school, but don't worry about me...God always protects me." And I have to trust that's true, because I won't be able to protect him the way I used to. I have to not only trust God, but I have to trust his teachers to care for him and protect him too. I thought I was fine with that, but I'm struggling. Not with how the teachers will teach him, but how the world will begin educating him. That people can be mean sometimes...and a few will judge someone by their appearance. That sometimes people who we thought were our friends, weren't really our friends at all and that we have to continue to trust people in spite of that. That not everyone believes in God and he'll be made fun of because he does. I know that Kindergarten won't be the place where he learns all of life's hard lessons, but this is his first true exposure to the world...and a true test of my faith in the One who created him. And I am forced to remember that he isn't really mine, but God's...and I've been entrusted with the awesome and humbling responsibility of being his mom.

When I Grow Up...

2007-09-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

My 3-year-old just announced to us:

"When I grow up, I wanna be a spy. Not the robot kind, but the regular kind...that wears black pants."

He's now trying to talk us into buying him some black pants.

SpamALOT

2007-09-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I had one of the best girls nights EVER!!! I got to spend it with three of my closest girlfriends. I love girls nights and I think I'm going to need them now more then ever...now that my title has become only one..."Mom". We started off the evening at Mazatlan for some yummy food, then headed to the Keller for a performance of "Spamalot". Our friend, Lori, so generously treated us to the show last night. I'm telling you, so has one of the most pure, genuine hearts of anyone I've ever met. After the show, we went to a restaurant at the Shilo Inn on Canyon Rd for some good ole' fashioned karaoke. Oh yeah, it was fun...and they were so sweet even though I totally mutilated one part of the song I sang. And my friend Becci...what a voice. Amazing! I'd never heard her sing before, not like that. We are now BFF's with Gene...the guy who runs the karaoke night...he was lovin' all over us after he heard Becci's pipes. We didn't get to stay there very long because I was scheduled to give my testimony at a High School worship overnighter at my church. It was AMAZING seeing the kids in worship...no inhibitions-just pure worship. The worship leaders led in English and Spanish, the bands played with such passion...it was truly beautiful. And my dear, sweet friends-even though they could have gone and done anything else-stayed to support me as I told the kids about how God has changed my life. That's what I love so much about my friends...we can be completely silly one minute and then be pouring our hearts out to each other the next. They chose to stay and hear me tell a story that they've heard a million times...don't get me wrong, I know it's because anytime we get to hear about the amazing miracles God performs in an average person's life, it can literally blow you away. But they chose to stay because they're my friends and they knew I was nervous.

I love that God has given me such true, pure friendships. I love that He allows me opportunities to tell other people about all of the things He has done for me...despite how ugly and selfish some of my past choices have been.

The "Perfect" Woman

2007-08-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be "perfect". And also about what it means to be the woman God created me to become. She's a very different person from the one our culture tells me I should strive to become. I'm at the point in my life where things are changing...fast. And the way I see the world around me is also in a state of change. It's mostly good stuff. I'm finally starting to listen to God when he speaks...and I'm also learning that I shouldn't try to interrupt all of the time, but be still...just as He asks.

A few weeks ago, our pastor spoke about Tamar and Amnon, his sermon was titled "Sex and the City-What Hollywood Doesn't Tell You." Amnon was lusting after his half-sister, Tamar. He wanted her, and he was sulking around because he couldn't have her. One of his buddies asked what was wrong with him (he was the king's son and someone with that much money and power shouldn't really be walking around feeling sorry for himself, so thought his friend). Amnon told his "friend" about his situation, so his friend came up with a plan so Amnon could "have" Tamar. Amnon pretends he's sick, asks daddy to send his sister to make him dumplings, clears out his house when she arrives and then he rapes her. As soon as he's done with her, he hates her.

Things haven't changed much. Women in our society are still, largely, viewed as objects. As things to be had, controlled, used for pleasure and then disposed of for a newer, shinier model. Most women can say that at one time or another, they've been treated like objects, things, possessions. I once worked for a man who told me he liked what I was wearing and then wondered aloud if my outfit would look better in a pile on the floor next to his bed. I was afraid to say something...I needed that job to get me through college. I was also pretty used to being treated that way. Blonde hair, blue eyes...many men see that as an invitation to grab, fondle and leer. And don't get me started on WOMEN'S magazines. Written by women, for women reminding us in every grocery store line that if we just lose that 10 pounds by summer, then we'll be perfect. Or if we just master that one sexual maneuver, we'll really be able to please our husbands/boyfriends.

The biggest problem with all of this is that I began believe all of this crap. I began to believe that the way I looked was really the only thing I had to offer, the only way I could be valuable was if I was super skinny, had perfect skin and amazing sexual prowess. This caused a whole new set of issues when I gave my life to Christ. When I began to really understand who I am in Him. If the way I looked wasn't what made me important, then...what did? I found myself going into a mid-life crisis at the age of 32. And I know I'm not alone. I've talked and cried with so many of my Christian sisters who are struggling with weight issues, self-esteem issues, not being good enough. But you know what? The enemy wants us to believe his lies. He wants us to focus on everything we're not, so we won't see everything we ARE in Christ.

I've finally begun to realize that the woman Christ is making me into won't ever be fully developed until I meet Him in Heaven. To be honest, this can be really frustrating at times, but also empowering. I don't have to meet society's standards anymore (even though I will probably always be fighting the urge to do so). All I have to do is rest in the amazing knowledge that God created me to be and become someone unique. No two of us are the same. How cool is that?

To all of my sisters out there-say this to yourselves every morning (and whenever Satan's nasty voice starts filling your mind with lies). I AM beautiful and capable because I belong to God. He made me into the woman I am today and He is a master artist. I am a piece of His artwork.

Peanuts Wisdom From My Five-Year-Old

2007-08-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

(Said while eating a chips ahoy, with a huge, chocolatey grin)

"Hey mom, happiness is having a lot of chocolate chips in your chocolate chip cookie."

Family Camp

2007-08-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Each year our church reserves a bunch of camp sites at Nehalem Bay State Park and our church family heads to the beach for at least a weekend of camping together. Kevin and I haven't chosen to go for the past few years...the boys were still pretty little and the thought of staying in a tent for a weekend, doing housework outside, didn't sound great to me. But, this year we decided to go and we were so excited when we were able to get a Yurt for our trip! Here are the top 10 things I love about family camp (in no particular order):

1. The Yurt...we'll never be able to camp in our tent again. We are now officially camping snobs.

2. Watching the grins on my boys faces as they rode their bikes and played with their friends all day every day.

3. Seeing two close friends be baptized in the ocean. Everyone should see an ocean baptism at least once in their life...truly spectacular.

4. Hanging with my girlfriends while Kevin CHOSE to be on KP.

5. The food...I eat better camping than I do at home (thanks to my honey, John Graf, John Canlas and Kelly Alexander).

6. Sitting by the campfire with friends, learing more about each other...which drives home even more why we chose to be a part of the Village family.

7. Susan Moore-without her, Family Camp wouldn't be so awesome.

8. Watching two of the dads leap through the waves with buckets in hand, trying to catch fish that ended up in the shallow surf...just so they could show the kids what they looked like (I think the dads had a great time doing it too).

9. Spending time in worship with my church family outdoors...with the sound of waves crashing in the distance.

10. Finding out how creative the dads will get when they have too much time on their hands (see picture below...note where the remote-control cars are in each picture)

He's still the one...

2007-08-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

"On this day, I will marry my best friend. The person I live for, laugh with, love." That is printed in our wedding invitation...August 3rd, 1996.

This Friday, I will be celebrating 11 years of marriage with my husband. I can't believe it. We both come from legacies of divorce and broken relationships. I am in awe of everything that God has and continues to bless me with. Back when we first married and didn't live for Christ, we always had divorce as an option-our plan B. We believed that if we weren't happy, that it was our spouse's fault and that it would be okay to end our marriage. We almost did...but then God broke into our lives and captivated us both. He turned us inside out and gave us a marriage I couldn't have ever imagined. Sure it's hard work sometimes...anything worth having and fighting for is.

He is the first man who hasn't walked away from me when times are tough. He is the first man on this earth who loved me for who I am...even though I can be cranky at times and a bit of a drama queen.

I grew up without my father in my life, but when I watch my husband with our two beautiful boys, I see what a loving father is. I never really understood the unconditional love and adoration of my Heavenly Father until I saw my husband cradle our babies when they needed comfort, protect them when they were scared and light up whenever they entered the room.

I am so overwhelmed that my husband chose me. I am so excited to see what the next 11 years bring. I am so honored that God chose us to be parents to our two sweet little men.

Happy anniversary, honey!!!!

I'm so excited!!!

2007-07-18T21:33:00.001-07:00

Okay...a close friend of mine has some MAJORLY exciting news and I'm just so excited for her that I can't stand it. But...the news is so cool, that I only feel it's right for her to share, so go here if you wanna know what it is.

We've Got Spirit, Yes We Do!!!

2007-07-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

Relay for Life was amazing! Seriously. The event kick-off was a lap walked by cancer survivors. My friend Lori had some friends from her cancer community come and be a part of it. Sweet little Grady was grinning from ear to ear...the minute he arrived with his family, he was given a special survivor t-shirt and a medal and we made an extra effort to cheer him on as he passed by our booth during the opening lap.

Not only did we exceed the American Cancer Society goal for fundraising (they wanted us to bring in $42,000 and we brought in $51,000), but we also had a great time relay-ing and fundraising to help find a cure for cancer. Our team won the spirit award (I'm sure that's no surprise...), so we're definitely going to be back at the Lake Oswego Relay next year to defend our title.

There was also a luminaria ceremony at 10pm where the track was lit up with luminaria that had the names of friends and family members (decorated in honor or in memory of those who had cancer) of those who participated in the relay.

Thank you so much to those of you who prayed for us, donated time and donated money. We couldn't have done it without you!!!

Another one for that list....

2007-07-16T17:02:00.001-07:00

After telling my oldest son to go to his room for talking back, he heads up the stairs, while saying to himself...

"Nobody in this town likes me."

Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up!

Add this to the list...

2007-07-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

of things I never thought (or imagined) I'd say before I had kids...

"Hey! Please do not shut your brother in the refrigerator!"

Cancer Sucks

2007-07-09T15:28:00.001-07:00

My friend, Lori, has a t-shirt that says that...and I agree. I'm sure that each one of us can say that we've been touched by cancer one way or another. But, what can we do? We can support a community that is fighting to beat cancer.

This Saturday, I will be participating in the Relay for Life at Lake Oswego High School. Lori had to watch her precious little one endure a strong fight with cancer. We all prayed for little Lillian...that she would survive, but she is now "restored to full health in Heaven" as Lori so eloquently stated on her blog. I felt so helpless watching my friend go through this with her little girl. I was, for a time, so angry with God for allowing it to happen. And through it all, Lori exhibited such grace and strength. She acknowledges it was all because of God's grace and strength, but she made a choice to allow Him to fill her up with those things. I'm still so awed by the way she has dealt with everything that has happened. I wanted to do something, anything, to support her and show her how much I love and admire her.

Participating in the relay is one way I can do that. Here's the info on the relay itself:

We are: Team Walking with Angels - The event theme is "field of dreams and hope for a cure". Our team's interpretation of the theme is "sweet dreams of a cancer free tomorrow." We'll be selling mix & match candy at our campsite, hosting a bubble gum blowing tournament and letting people take a whack at a cancer pinata that my friend, Becci, so graciously created. And we have 2 massage therapists that will be doing chair massages for $1 per minute between 6pm and 8pm on Saturday at our campsite.
When: The event begins at 2pm on Saturday 7/14 and ends at 9am on Sunday 7/15.
Where: District Stadium at Lake Oswego High School.

If you would like to make a donation to the silent auction, please let me or Lori know. If you'd like to make a monetary donation to me or anyone else on the team, please go here. (We will be there all night long...2pm Saturday to 9am Sunday. Please pray that we get *some* sleep and that we raise tons of money for the American Cancer Society).

Pink Eye...live the adventure

2007-07-07T17:41:00.000-07:00

So...what do I do to celebrate the end of a really great run of performances? Get pink eye in both eyes and a virus that causes blisters to form in my throat. I really did think that it was my allergies acting up...it only affected one eye at first and two ibuprofen every four hours were making my sore throat manageable. But then, my observant friend Wendy told me that the goop coming out of my eye made me look like a stray cat and that maybe I had something besides allergies causing that. I didn't believe her...until I woke up the next morning with both eyes crusted shut. Fun times!

For extra fun, I shared the pink eye with my youngest son-both eyes...so he gets to experience the goopiness too. He's actually enjoying being able to tell people that he has boogers coming out of his eyes and he thinks the eye drops tickle (okay, that could be because I called them tickle drops...anything to help the medicine get into his eyes).

Sally...I'll miss you!

2007-07-02T16:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we had our final performance of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." We had the strike right after the show was over (which means that we took the set down and put all of the props and costumes away). It was so bittersweet. This marks the end of a few chapters of my life and I'm still trying to figure out how the next will begin. For those of you who know me, you know I can be a bit of a crier. Well, I didn't disappoint. Sure enough, during our finale song "Happiness", I teared up...enough for my husband to ask 'if I had something stuck in my throat during that last song.'

I made some great friends during this production...and built upon some old friendships too. I was able to work side by side with my former mentor. She played the role of Lucy, but is so far from the brash, crabby character she portrayed. She is kind, compassionate and loves God with all of her heart. I loved watching her family, with looks of sheer joy on their faces, as they watched her light up the stage. My other friend, Ben, is someone I've known since he was a boy. He's now a man preparing to get married this December. It's been such an honor to watch him grow into the man he has become...pursuing God with every ounce of his being. He worked so hard as Linus and the audience loved him. Tim, who played Snoopy, is someone I've known but not very well. I had heard that he's an amazing talent, but his schedule has prevented him from doing theatre during the time I've known him. He is so generous and intelligent on stage. I've worked with a few actors who are extremely talented but only care about themselves...getting laughs or tears for their lines and doing it at the expense of their fellow castmates, but Tim is nothing like that. He poured himself into his role of Snoopy but was a true team player onstage...and he literally stole the show with his dog-like whimpers, facial expressions and his finale song, "Suppertime". David, as Schroeder, has an incredibly powerful voice and put so much work to bring his character alive every moment he was on stage. And my new dear friend, Maury, as Charlie Brown is so much fun on and off stage. He's got the sweetest spirit but is also sassy enough to keep us all laughing.

My close friend, Wendy, was an amazing director and brought so much wisdome to us during rehearsals that helped to enhance the script and give us so much more to develop our characters with. Becci and Lori were the assistant Director and Chroeographer and worked so hard to help us look good, using the gifts God gave them to not only glorify Him but make a community theatre production look and feel professional. Our band and tech crew were also top notch. They put countless hours in to ensure that our production was well lit, sounded perfect and that the music enhanced everything happening on stage.

Is it any wonder that I'm moping around today, thinking about how I'm not going to be seeing them all again this coming weekend?

Theatre has been such a gift to me from the Lord and I spent so much of my life not knowing that. The hiatus I had taken was for good reasons...two little boys and a husband that I love spending time with. But, I think during that time, I lost a little bit of who I was/am. I started to reconnect with the lost part of me (that creative part that God created me to be) during this rehearsal and performance process. What an exciting journey it has been. To be involved in something that not only brings me so much joy but allows me to use my gifts to glorify the One who gave them to me. I can now re-add one of the things that had essentially fallen off of my "who I am" list. I am a God follower...a wife...a mother...AND an actor. It feels good to embrace that again. Especially now that I truly know why I am able to do what I love. As my husband would say...it's G-O-D, Baby!!!

Holy cow...I forgot it was this fun!!!

2007-06-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we had our opening for "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." I used to so look forward to an opening because I would get so much attention for my own performance. It's been a while since I've been on stage in a larger role and I have to say that when rehearsals first began, I started to wonder what I had gotten myself into. I was in a show with five other people who were GOOD and who, for the most part, hadn't been out of it for as long as I had. I was sure I'd fall flat on my face...in front of everyone.

I also noticed that I didn't get the same feeling I used to get from being in a show. I can't describe what that feeling is really, but let's just say that I always looked forward to being in a show because I knew that people would be focusing on me. I craved the attention...the encouraging words and at times, the looks of envy..."I wish I could do what you do." That was one of my favorite things to hear. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's true. I was so self-centered (I still am...just much more aware of it now).

I was telling my husband that this last weekend was different. I still love the rush of being on stage and the challenges involved with live performances, but now the thing I love most is that God has given me the opportunity to use the gifts that I now know came from Him to do something that brings me joy. I'm so awed and humbled by that. My Heavenly Father delights in seeing me do something that makes me feel alive. How is it possible? Something that is really so trivial...live theatre...matters to Him because it matters to me. What a blessing it is!

For those of you who haven't seen the show, you should. The people I'm performing with on that stage are amazing...partly due to their God0-given talent, and partly due to the God-given talent of our awesome tech crew. Most of all, you should come because people will be visiting our church who normally probably wouldn't be there. What a great opportunity for all of us to begin building relationships with people from our community. That's why we're doing this...because we have a passion for ALL of God's people.

Happiness is...the Peanuts Gang!!

2007-06-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

As I've said, I'm currently in rehearsals for a production of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." We just had our first full run through with our band (it's so exciting to say that!) My kids came to watch us for a while and LOVED it...my husband liked it too...so, there's proof that it is a show that will appeal to all ages. The production features six of the Peanuts characters: Charlie Brown, Lucy Van Pelt, Snoopy, Schroeder, Sally Brown and Linus Van Pelt.

Snoopy is encouraging all theatre patrons to bring a donation for the Oregon Humane Society.

Performances will begin on June 22nd at 7pm with a Father-Daughter Date Night. Fathers, Grandfathers, Uncles, Daughters, Granddaughters and Nieces of all ages are invited to attend. Tickets are $15 for adults and $10 for children 12 and under and include a dessert and refreshments.

The show will continue on Saturday and Sunday, June 23rd and 24th at 2pm, as well as Friday, June 29th at 7:30pm, Saturday June 30th at 2:00 and 7:30pm and Sunday, July 1st at 2:00pm. Tickets for those shows are $10 for adults and $7 for students, seniors and children. The performances are located at Village Baptist Church, 330 SW Murray Blvd, Beaverton, 97005. Reservations are recommended and can be made by calling 503.643.6511 or by going here.

Seasons

2007-06-13T16:48:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I first got married, I remember thinking that if things didn't work out, divorce would be an okay option for us. But then I gave my life to Christ and I realized that He had brought Kevin into my life for, well, life and that I needed and WANTED to make a lifelong commitment to my marriage. There are tough times for sure. Times when money is tight, times when I have to trust his leadership (even when I think I know better), times when things just aren't going the way I want them to. Times when the kids are whining, my clothes are getting tighter and I realize that the annoying habits my husband has aren't going anywhere. I feel like my needs aren't being met. I feel frustrated that this is all there is. I feel like running into an empty field and screaming until I lose my voice.

But then I realize that it's just a season and that God is always in control. My dear friend and mentor reminds me that this time of my life will pass...all too quickly...and that soon my kids will be in school more than they're at home and my husband and I will be left working to find ways to fill the void of an empty home.

Kevin is my family. There will always be things I don't like, but then there are the times when I see him playing with our boys and I see the youth of the man I met nearly 17 years ago shining through. There are times when he gives me a look that is remiscent of the way he looked at me when we first met and the butterflies in my stomach come alive. There are times when my whole family is together...running errands, playing and even just relaxing and I know this is the only place I could possibly fit.

That's how I see my church. They are my family too. Times are tough right now. It's a season full of challenges. Things that could cause us to wonder if we're in the right place. We're looking for a few different staff members, we're in the middle of a capital campaign that is requiring immense amounts of faith and sacrifice, we're growing and changing. Money is tight, the leadership is having to make some difficult decisions, and there are times when things are not going the way we want them to. But again, I am reminded that God is in control...just as he is in my life and my marriage. I made a choice to become a member of my church and just as it is with my husband, I believe that God has put this body of believers into my life for a reason.

Seasons are tough and we don't always get the answers and results we want when we want them. But, God knew the end at the beginning. He knows what is in my future and the future of my church. Even though things are uncertain, I know that I am where I belong.

What type of season are you experiencing right now?

Relay For Life

2007-06-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Lillian (my dear friend, Lori's, 2 1/2 year old) went to be with Jesus in heaven back in April. I have another close friend who lost her mother to breast cancer a couple of years ago...another dear friend's mother is battling cancer and my sister-in-law's grandmothers both had breast cancer. There are so many of us who have been touched by cancer (either directly or indirectly), that I feel I need to do something. Then...this great opportunity came up. I can participate in the Relay for Life with my close friends, while honoring their loved ones memories.

What is the Relay for Life, you ask? Well...the Relay for Life is fun-filled, overnight event designed to bring together those who have been touched by cancer in our community and raise money to help the American Cancer Society. During the event, teams of people gather at schools, fairgrounds, or parks and take turns walking or running laps. Each team tries to keep at least one team member on the track at all times.

That's our logo up above...Lori says we're going to have snappy t-shirts AND she'd be happy to put any corporation names on the shirt who choose to help sponsor our team.

There are a few different relays in the Portland area...we've chosen Lake Oswego. It starts at 2pm on Saturday, July 14th and concludes at 9am on Sunday, July 15th. You can join our team by visiting our website or contact Lori for more info.

If you can’t join us, but would like to make a donation, you can do so at our website as well. Let's join together in the fight against cancer!!

My New Philosophy

2007-05-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

I can't stand it!

Okay...that's in a GOOD way. I was recently cast in a production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown as Sally." As I've said in past posts, it's been a while since I've been in a show. But, the opportunity has finally arrived-I'm sure God was getting a little sick of my whining, but his timing is perfect. Seven years and two kids later can do a lot to a body...I find my self worn out and winded after choreography rehearsals...and most of the choreography has been walking and singing at the same time, I've had to work extra hard to get my vocal muscle back into shape and my support system (breathing properly while singing) is also being challenged once again. BUT, this is all good stuff. I'm so excited that I really can't stand it-I had forgotten how much I love being in a show...creating a character off of a flat page, learning the challenging music, realizing that I finally have the choreography down and building upon old (Cheryl, Ben, Tim) and new (Maury, David and Chad) friendships. Of course, this experience wouldn't be so great if it weren't for my close friends who are involved in the production...Wendy is directing, Lori is the choreographer and Becci is the Assistant Director. We've also got this amazing accompanist/music director, Chad. We've decided he's going to be our Woodstock.

It's been busy...but a good busy. I've been away from my family quite a bit, but as my dear friend, Lori, reminded me my kids are going to get to see their mom doing something she loves...for God's glory. How cool is that? I feel so overwhelmingly blessed to have been chosen to play the part of Sally. She's a little like me...sassy and opinionated (I'm sure many of you have NEVER seen those sides of me). She's always coming up with new philosophies...ways to help her deal with curve balls thrown her way (or to let people know that their opinion is wrong because it conflicts with hers).

What's my new philosophy? Well, it's actually nothing new, but something God's having to remind me of...a lot. His timing is perfect and he knows the deepest desires of our hearts. I have spent a lot of time praying for an opportunity to be in a show over the past seven years-and much more time wondering if God heard me. God knew exactly when the right time would be, who the right production staff would be, the right cast and the right show....and that time is now.

Woohoo!!!!

The Gospel According to N

2007-04-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

My youngest son (N) is almost three-years-old. He can be a bit mischieveous at times, but almost always makes us laugh. A close friend of ours nannies for us each week and also works at our church. She was in N's Sunday School class (on the Saturday night before Easter Sunday) and blogged about her experience there. She said that most of the kids were asking really insightful questions and that she was pretty blown away by their ability to understand why Jesus died on the cross for them. After reading it, I was so excited to hear about how our little guy did in the class. We had spent a lot of time during the season of Lent talking about Good Friday and Easter and why we celebrate them, so I was sure that this evening in Sunday school would help to hit it all home. Well, he had a mind of his own that night and spent much of the story time occupying himself by looking outside at the playground. I figured we'd just have to be really intentional about sharing the story with him to make sure he knew and understood why we celebrate Easter and Good Friday.

I'm on staff at my church, so I spent all of Easter morning at work. After I came home, as we were getting ready to go to my brother and sister-in-law's house for dinner, I asked N if he knew why we celebrate Good Friday. He said, "it's the day that Jesus died on the cross for our sins...you know, the bad stuff we do, like kick and hit." I was pretty surprised and excited, so I pressed on..."Okay, N, do you know why we celebrate Easter?" With big eyes, he said, "Oh yes, mommy. It's the day that Jesus stayed alive again. The power of God rolled away the large scone and he was alived." That's right...they used baked goods to seal tombs back then. I haven't corrected him...I love his innocence and his confidence when he tells the story. I know that he'll eventually figure out that it's actually stone that was in front of the tomb, but for now, in our house at least, the power of the lord was magnificent enough to move a really large scone away from the tomb that held Jesus after he was crucified.

I Am Blessed

2007-04-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

I recently read an article that encouraged us all to consistently thank God for the blessings he gives us. I've done it a few times here at this blog and I feel it's time for another round of counting my blessings.

**My two precious boys have a father who adores them. As I write this they are wrestling with their daddy, dressed as Buzz Lightyear and Peter Pan (of course). They're giggling and plotting how they will defeat their dad (I also get to be the princess during these wrestling times...when I'm not writing about it on my blog).

**I got to see two plays last weekend. One, "The Merry Wives of Windsor", featuring one of my closest friends (Wendy Bax) and the other at the Keller downtown "The Light in the Piazza". I loved watching Wendy light up the stage again...using the gifts and talents that God gave her. I also loved the music, book and costumes from "Light...". (The male lead in the show wasn't so bad either).

**Creative people are coming out of the woodwork, excited and energized about having opportunities to use their gifts to serve and worship God. We recently had a brainstorming session about our dreams for our church and surrounding communities and I can't wait to see how God conducts this symphony comprised of passionate people and God-give talents.

**I've got some amazing friends who see past my junk, to what God sees inside me. They encourage me, support me and tell me to snap out of a snit when I need it.

**My husband is begging me to get involved in theatre again so I can find that piece of myself that has been missing...this is the same man who demanded I give it up when our marriage was failing just eight years ago.

**I have siblings (and a sister-in-law who I actually consider to be a sister) who live nearby and we actually look forward to seeing each other and spending time together. (all of our kids also adore each other...which is just so awesome).

I want to encourage you to write down your blessings too. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the day-to-day routine of life, we forget how amazing our lives truly are.

Making sense of something that doesn't

2007-04-09T13:54:00.000-07:00

One of my close friends just had to say goodbye to her 2 1/2 year old. After a courageous 6-month fight with cancer, Lillian ended her battle last week. Her memorial service was Saturday. I'm still having a hard time getting my head around this. It's so hard to understand God's plan in this situation. My friend is so strong, so faithful. She trusts God's plan and timing. I'm not sure I would be exhibiting such grace if I was going through what she and her husband are experiencing. It's so hard to understand why. Why Lillian? Why did this happen just one month after we were celebrating the fact that she had just finished chemo? Why do my friends have to be experiencing such pain? Why didn't God heal her here on earth? Why...

It was so surreal to be celebrating the resurrection of Christ this past weekend while experiencing this numbing, cutting pain I feel for my friend. I know that this is no way for me to honor Lillian's memory, but I don't think I'd be human if I wasn't hurting, confused and just plain mad. When I told my 5-year-old about Lillian, he just smiled at me...a huge smile that lit up his face. I asked him why he was smiling and he told me..."Don't you know mommy? Lillian's with Jesus." He felt bliss because he was thinking of her...not of himself. I guess that's part of the sting of death...we're left behind to try to figure it out. Please be praying for Jeff and Lori as they move forward without their precious little one. Please pray for those of us who are close to them...that we would know what and when to say something and when we should be silent...that we would know how to best comfort and support them during the coming months and that they would feel God's arms and comfort around them.

Lillian

2007-04-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, sweet little Lillian "peacefully ended" her battle with cancer (see Lori's most recent blog entry).

Please pray for Jeff and Lori (and their family) as they grieve a loss that most of us cannot even begin to understand. Pray that God will protect their marriage and relentlessly pursue them during this time that no parent should have to endure.

The service celebrating Lillian's life
will be held at:
Finley-Sunset Hills Mortuary
Saturday, April 7th at 3pm
6801 SW Sunset Highway
Portland, OR 97225
All are welcome.

Is He big enough?

2007-04-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

That's a question I find myself asking a lot lately. Most of the time, I don't really artiulate it that way...it's usually through my inaction or lack of faith that I don't even get around to actually asking the question.

But IS God big enough to answer my prayers...not the way I want, but the way He knows I need for His purposes in my life? Of course he is...and yet, there are so many prayers in my heart that remain unspoken because I so often choose to question His ability to truly answer them. My dear friend, Lori, through her strength and grace as she has watched her sweet little one fight cancer, has modeled for me the type of faith in God that I strive for. She just left this entry on her blog today. Please join me in lifting Lillian up to God, asking that he perform a miracle on her tired body.

Lillian's oncologist dropped by on Monday and said something that has really stuck with me. The pastor at her church told the congregation on Sunday that this is a week of miracles. He asked them to pick 2 or 3 miracles and pray that they would happen this week. She picked Lillian as her #1, 2 and 3 miracle.

We often don't "pray big" and ask for miracles because we're scared to hope or are worried about being disappointed. After all, we don't know what God's plan is. But if this is the week of miracles, I am acting in faith and praying big.Lillian spiked a fever last night and it's currently not responding to Tylenol. (Yep, even in Intensive Care, Tylenol is the best for a fever.) Her lungs are very sick and her liver is sluggish as well. The doctors have been stumped by Lillian's strange, prolonged illness for weeks.

I pray that Lillian would have a miraculous recovery. That her lungs would have no long term damage, that her fever would disappear as suddenly as it appeared and that she would be like a new kid. I pray that this recovery would be so sudden that there would be no other explanation than God's mighty intervention!I don't know what God's plan is for Lillian. But I'm praying big that He would deliver an Easter miracle for us. Join us in this mighty prayer, won't you?

Please Pray for Lillian

2007-04-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

This is a post from my friend, Lori's, blog. Please keep her family in your prayers...that the doctors would be able to determine how they can best help Lillian regain her strength and that God would wrap is comforting arms around Lori and her husband, Jeff during this time.

As I read my last post, I was amazed that what was just a week seemed like an eternity ago. By the time I returned to our room after writing the update, the "conventional mode" of ventilation was already failing. That night was one of our worst with the Doctor trying several vent modes as well as switching her on, and later off, of the more aggressive ventilator machine called an oscillator.

The next day we had a care conference with the doctors from oncology and the PICU to discuss the plan. After nearly two hours, we landed on a plan with the least amount of intervention so that her body would have adequate time to respond and heal. A week of sticking to the plan (a record in the medical world) and she is generally unchanged.

After 30 days in the hospital, we are considering setting up utilities and forwarding our mail. The nurses are truly wonderful and make the ups and downs more bearable. We even played a little medical April Fools joke on one of our favorite nurses, Becca, today on her day off. With her help we have also named all of the ventilators after Friends characters. Just something to pass the time and add a little fun. We had "Chandler" but when his circuit started to fail, we decided that he once again needed some time in rehab and recruited "Rachel" to replace him. Rachel's tough, I think with enough time she just may be the one.

I pray that better days are just around the corner. They're managing the daily ups and downs but generally we're all waiting for Lillian to make the final push toward health. Until then, we hold our breath and wait.

Snap out of it!

2007-03-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

If Christians spent half the time actually trying to share why they love and follow Christ with those that don't know him as they do arguing about how they should do it, or that their way is better than someone else's because the way they live is more Christlike...etc, etc, etc...can you imagine how many people would actually be living changed lives as a result of giving their lives to Christ? It would be a number that I'm sure none of us could predict. Others will be drawn to Him because of the life we're living...because we're different and we shine with our love for Him (and His love for us)...because we belong to a community of broken people who love each other through past/present/future hurts and triumphs. Because His Truth, Love and Word are the only things that will fill our emptiness.

Tuesday Tag

2007-03-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

Here's a tag from my great friend, Kim

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday, month and day only.
2. List 3 events that occurred on that day.
3. List 2 important birthdays.
4. List 1 death.
5. List a holiday or observance. (if any)
6. Tag 5 other bloggers.

Birthday: June 12

EVENTS
(just so you know, my birthday has been a pretty violent day throughout history, it was a little hard to find three things that weren't completely scary…yikes)

1902 - Australia: Women in the four Australian States without female suffrage achieved the right to vote in Commonwealth elections under Section 3 of the Commonwealth Franchise Act for an Uniform Federal Franchise. Specifically excluded from enrolling to vote were 'aboriginal native[s] of Australia Africa Asia or the Islands of the Pacific except New Zealand' unless covered under Section 41 of the Constitution of Australia. (Rock on, girls!!)

1942 - Holocaust: Future essayist Anne Frank receives a diary for her thirteenth birthday (It's hard to believe a girl so young and going through such an ordeal could write so eloquently)

1967 - The United States Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia declares all U.S. state laws which prohibit interracial marriage to be unconstitutional. (yippee for me…my hubby is Hot Hawaiian)

BIRTHS
1519 - Cosimo I de' Medici, Grand Duke of Tuscany (d. 1574) (gotta love their wine)
1919 - Uta Hagen, American actress (d. 2004) (Two Tony awards…she rocked)
Other notable bdays: Jim Nabors (golly), Chick Corea, George H.W. Bush…not sure how I feel about that, Marina Semenova-the first Soviet-trained Prima Ballerina.

DEATH
2003 - Gregory Peck, American actor-he was amazing. (b. 1916)

HOLIDAYS/OBSERVANCES
Brazil – Dia dos Namorados (Lover's Day; similar to St. Valentine's) (do you even have to ask why this is on my birthday?)

I tag:
Deborah
Ben
Olivia
Bill
Erin
& anyone else who wants to play...

Walls

2007-03-10T20:22:00.000-08:00

When my husband and I bought our house, there were a few walls that we wanted to take down. Our home was built in the late 60s and didn't have the open feel that so many of the newer homes do now. The walls were barriers where we needed and wanted freedom to roam seamlessly from one room to another. We have a good friend who works in construction...someone who knows how to take these particular types of walls down. He came over so he could help us-so we wouldn't have to do it on our own.

This weekend, our pastor talked about Joshua and the wall that was in his way. Joshua had faith that God would provide. He also had friends who shared his faith. He didn't have to face the wall alone...they were right there with him-each person doing their part. They blew their horns, marched around the wall and finally "gave a loud shout" just as God had directed them. The walls came tumbling down and God "delivered Jericho into their hands."

We all have walls we face throughout our lives, some are taller or wider than others. Some come down easily, while others seem to be so solidly built that nothing could bring them down. I have a dear friend whose 2-year-old daughter is fighting cancer. She just finished chemo and her sweet little body is tired. She's in ICU right now trying to "mobilize her fluids." My friends are looking up at a BIG wall. This friend of mine came to church tonight. She hadn't been able to make it to church since her daughter had been diagnosed, but she came tonight...when God chose to speak through our Pastor about facing big walls and having the faith to take them down. He found out she was there and asked her to come to the front so he could pray for her and asked us, her church family, to pray with him. As I sat next to her during the service, I realized-God doesn't want us to tear down our walls alone. Joshua had fellow believers at his side when the walls of Jericho came down. My dear friend has people she doesn't even know praying for her and her family. We are facing this wall with her, standing beside her and she and her husband will not have to bring it down on their own.

The Joy of the Lord

2007-03-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons I started this blog was because there were so many Christians out there with blogs that seemed to spend a lot of time talking about how horrible the church is and how horrible other Christians are. It's true...there are a lot of issues in the church...it's filled with people doing their best to get by...and on many occasions those people aren't always the best ambassdors for Christ (myself included).

We all sin. We all have junk. The church (meaning the institution and the people who comprise it) will never be perfect. BUT...we do have a choice in all of this.

Will we just sit back, complaining about how great it COULD be and mourning all of the lost opportunties and broken hearts incurred because of imperfect people? OR will we do what we can to make it better? Will we put our frustration and irritation aside and live the life that Christ has for us? It's really a simple choice...we can move forward, embracing and owning the JOY that has been bestowed upon us because we are His beloved OR we can throw up our hands, saying "What's the point...the hypocrites have ruined it."

I'm not so naive to think that life isn't hard. I know it is...believe me, I know. BUT I also know what it was like to live without Christ as my Lord, Friend, Father and Savior.
I remember the emptiness that could never be fulfilled, no matter how hard I tried.
I remember the loneliness of feeling like I had to do it on my own.
I remember the hopelessness of thinking that life on this earth was all there was.

I know the difference between having nothing and having everything.

He loves me enough to not accept mediocrity from me. He loves me enough to give me the most amazing, Christ-focused husband and allow me to help raise two beautiful little boys. He loves me enough to put people in my life who love me enough to put me in my place when I need it. He loves me enough that he gave his life for ME...knowing about all of my junk...because I AM worth it to him. How can there not be joy in that?

Life is hard...relationships are hard...people are REALLY hard. But that doesn't mean that we can't stop and revel in the sheer joy of knowing that our Lord, our King, our Savior chose each one of us to be his children. Shout it from your rooftop!! Jesus loves me this I know. Help others see how much joy there is in knowing and believing that to your very core.

We are a Mosaic

2007-02-19T14:00:00.000-08:00

"We are, ourselves, creations.
And we, in turn are meant to continue creativity
by being creative ourselves.
Creativity is God’s gift to us.
Using our creativity is our gift back to God.”
Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

I attended a women's retreat this past weekend and we gave the women there the opportunity to create pieces of art in response to how God spoke to them and/or moved in their lives. It was so inspiring to see the pieces of artwork that were created as a worshipful response to God. There were a variety of mediums available. One of my favorite pieces was one that we created together. A dear friend's husband created a cross that is 3' high and 2' wide. We provided tiles to the women and they wrote something on the back of the tile that they needed to let go of and/or was preventing them from living a full life with Christ. Then, they glued the tile to the cross. Many of the tiles were broken...just like we are...but together on the cross, they make a beautiful mosaic...these broken pieces have come together to make a beautiful piece of art. I loved watching the women talk with each other about what they were leaving on the cross. I loved watching them try to pick the perfect spot for their tile, afixed permanently in a place that they chose. On the last day of the retreat, we gave the women an iridescent jewel to place on the cross as well. It represents the fact that we are all jewels in the crown of our Creator, He longs for us to live a life to the full...we just need to embrace that for ourselves. Sometimes that's the hardest part-believing that we deserve that. But we do. We are all beautful...created to be exactly what He wanted us to be. We are broken, but are made complete because of the cross. And, just as the jewels we placed on the cross reflect light, we should too. His light should glow through us in a way that draws others...especially those who don't know Him...to us.

Patience

2007-02-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

He waited patiently for me. He whispered my name and I screamed at him to leave me alone. He gently told me he loved me for who I was and could be - I rejected him.

Time after time I rejected his desire to love me and use me to reflect his light.

Then, one day, I couldn’t fight him anymore. I cautiously gave my heart to him, tattered and broken. Like a child hands over a prized possession, convinced the receiver will never truly understand its value.

He held me in his arms and patiently waited for me to accept his love. He never threw my rejection of him into my face. But welcomed me, his daughter, into his presence.

His gifts are beyond value, his love beyond comprehension.
He is my savior, my comforter, my champion. He is my Father.

Counting My Blessings

2007-01-21T15:46:00.000-08:00

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings.

I love the movie, "White Christmas". One of my favorite scenes is when Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby sing "Counting My Blessings." It seems so simple. If things are getting you down, count your blessings. I have so many myself and yet, I seem to forget that when things are rough. Some of the things I would have given anything for before I had them, I now often take for granted. So, today I count my blessings! (Some of you may remember I did this a while back, but I thought it was time to do so again).

**I have amazing friends who love me enough to call me on my stuff/sin when I need it.

**My husband loves me for who I am, even though those extra baby pounds are still hanging around and the laugh lines are now a part of my face...even when I'm not laughing.

**My two boys are happy (most of the time) and healthy.

**All of my family lives close by and I can spend time with them almost anytime I want to.

**My kids love Jesus and fight over who gets to pray first before bed.

**God has provided a job for me that not only helps pay the bills but allows me to actually use the gifts he has given me.

**I belong to a church community that I look forward to seeing/spending time with every Tuesday morning at Bible study and every weekend at worship services and all of the other time in between.

I recently read a book that said it's a good idea to keep track of our blessings (even those that seem the most minor) in a journal so you can have a record of everything God has done in your life. I've started mine...I want to encourage you to start one too!

Your word is "Cow"

2007-01-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

Last night I got to see "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" at the Keller Auditorium It was a really fun show. The acting was very good, vocals were amazing and the show was just really fun to watch. It's about a group of kids (played by adults) competing in their county spelling bee, they've already each won at their school level, so they can go to the national spelling bee. It's a comedy, but also had some really intense moments. Moments that caused me to reflect on how everything I say to my kids contributes to how they see themselves. I already knew that, but it was a really great reminder to see how "well-meaning" parents can drive their children to feel they need to be perfect in order to be loved.

So, what's the title of this post all about? Before the show, people could sign up to be brought up on stage to be a part of the spelling bee. One of the kids/actors was given extremely difficult words, while one of the people from the audience actually received the word "cow." It was funny...I promise. If you ever have a chance to see this show, I'd highly recommend it.

A Perfect Family

2007-01-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

I have two boys. Only. We didn't have a girl, just two boys. Sometimes well-meaning strangers (or even people I know) will say..."Oh, two boys? Are you going to try for a girl?" or, my all time favorite, "were you disappointed when your second child turned out to be another boy?" I have a friend who has two girls and she told me that someone told her brother (who has a boy and a girl) in front of her girls, "Oh a boy and a girl. The perfect family!" Her two girls were so sad to learn that the family they had thought was perfect wasn't, by society's standards.

I think that any child is a gift, regardless of gender. My husband and I are happy with our two boys, our own perfect family. I can't imagine my life without either one of them and I would never be able to choose which one I would have to trade in for a girl. God gives us the children that are the perfect fit for US. No matter what their gender, those of us who have children have them because they were created by God to be placed in our lives. And THAT is the perfect family!

Dreamgirls

2007-01-03T14:39:00.000-08:00

Go see it. Seriously. You won't be disappointed. The cast is amazing...all the hype about Jennifer Hudson is absolutely true. It's now one of my all time faves.

Wow

2007-01-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

Not much else to say but wow. This year's Christmas Eve services went really well. I think I've finally caught up on my sleep.

I got to the church at around 11am and stayed until 1am on Christmas Day. (and I didn't put in as many hours as some others on our creative team).

It's a long day, a tiring day. But so very worthwhile. We had a few sound issues, but God clearly showed up. We knew we couldn't do it without Him. People from our church community shared their 100 words stories and it was so powerful. So powerful to see how He longs to work in our lives and will do so if we let Him. How he will break in on circumstances that seem so dire and hopeless...how He breaks in on lives that are going through the motions and brings abundant love and grace. It's not easy, something so worthwhile never is, but living life for the One who gives it holds so many treasures. As I sat with my family on Christmas Day (my whole family-my husband, mom, brother, his wife, sister, her husband, and each of our children), I sent a prayer of thanksgiving up to God. What did I do to deserve this amazing family He has given me? I am without words to describe how overwhelmed I am by my relationship with each of them...and Him.

I'm so excited to see what this new year brings. I remember people telling me that once we had children, the time would fly by. They were right. It does. There are moments I have frozen in my memory. Sweet times with my two boys, my husband and my family. There are moments when I wish time would stop so I could revel in the pure joy we're experiencing. But, then, we wouldn't be able to experience the countless other small life treasures that are waiting for us.

I hope each of you has a fantastic 2007. A time that you are able to grow closer to God as you grow closer to those He has placed in your life. I know the road isn't always easy, but how amazing is it that we're never on that road alone?

Merry Christmas

2006-12-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

I hope you all have had time to enjoy Christmas for at least just a little while this year. I was out running errands with my kids last week and had made the third of four stops (I think I was probably a little too focused and was allowing my Type A personality to rule the morning). My 4-year-old was sitting in the cart facing me and my 2-year-old was in the coveted spot...the basket. I was trying to find one last gift for a friend's daughter...she's almost 10 and I have no idea what to get her...So, my 4-year-old puts his hand on my arm and says in a very serious tone, "Mommy, Jesus is why we celebrate Christmas." Then his brother starts doing his happy dance and singing "I love Jesus, I love Jesus!". How is it that my preschoolers can be so profound? The people around us smiled, a few laughed and I think we all stopped and allowed ourselves a moment to be still. Just another one of those times I sent a prayer up to God thanking him for trusting me with two pieces of heaven.

So...I do love this time of year. I love the excitement on people's faces...the music...the lights and ESPECIALLY the time for all of us to thank God for loving us so much that He sent His son to live with us and die for us.

If you're looking for a candlelight service to attend this evening, I'd like to invite you Village Baptist Church (330 SW Murray Blvd, Beaverton, OR). Our services are at:
3pm, 5pm, 7pm, 9pm and 11pm. Come hear about how God broke in 2000 years ago and how He continues to do so today.

Have a very Merry Christmas!!!!

One of my God moments

2006-11-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

He didn’t love me anymore and the truth was, I didn’t love him either. I looked at my wedding pictures and wondered who the woman was smiling into his face. We had been married for only three years, but we both knew our marriage was over. How can you stay married to someone that you can’t stand being in the same room with? After deciding that I would move out of our house and what I would take with me, we decided to meet with a pastor at Village Baptist Church so we could tell everyone that we had even met with a pastor and our marriage couldn’t be saved. We’d never really attended church, but knew that having a pastor agree that our marriage was a beyond repair would help to validate our decision to divorce. God had different plans for us. Even though we couldn’t speak to each other without words dripping with sarcasm and bitterness, we agreed to another meeting, and another and then another. Six weeks later, our marriage was restored. We had a relationship that I had never dreamed possible. Best of all, I knew that it was God who saved our marriage and that He would always be there…for better or worse.

How has God moved in YOUR life?

2006-11-03T17:56:00.000-08:00

So, it seemed like it would be something that would cause stories to start pouring in...but it's been more of a trickle. Tell me something that God has done in your life that was so unmistakably him, it couldn't have been anything else - in 100 words (the word amount isn't as important as the story). I had seen it done at another church and it was one of the most powerful services I have ever been a part of. Ordinary people talking about how God has revealed himself to them, loved them, provided for them and comforted them. Here's an excerpt from an article written by one of the teaching pastors from the church where I saw it -

An unmistakable connection takes place

when the congregation hears from people

who are so very much in the same boat,

just trying to do life from Monday through Saturday.

They're people who simply give witness

with humility and honesty

to moments when

"Only God" can be the explanation.

Psalm 96:3 says Publish his glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things he does. This Christmas Eve, let's tell the people who come to the Christmas Eve services at Village about the amazing things He has done for us. People need to hear that He's real...that He cares...that He wants us to experience true JOY...that He is there even when we feel most alone. They need to hear that He is no longer the baby in the manger that so many people see Him as at Christmas. He is alive and WITH US!!

Here are some statements that will hopefully get you started. You can post them here or email them to faithstories@vbconline.org...

Stories from a time that:
You were rescued
You experienced His grace
You experienced a miracle
You knew God was with you
You were in danger and He protected you
You experienced great blessing
You experienced healing (spiritual or physical)
You experienced the power of prayer
You experienced God's victory
You experienced Him through people He placed in your life
You experienced His provision
You experienced His perfect peace

The Audience of One

2006-10-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

I love doing live theater. It's been a while...with the responsibilities of being a wife and mother to two young children, I just haven't been able to be a part of very many productions over the past few years. There was a time when I was doing at least five shows a year. Back-to-backs, they're called...just when I'd finish rehearsals and start weekend performances in one show, I'd start rehearsals on the next the following week. I loved what it did for me. I craved the applause and the attention I'd receive from audience members in the lobby when the show was over. I loved that they laughed when I was funny and cried when I was heartbroken. You see, I was longing for something to fill up the emptiness that consumed my heart and I thought that theatre would do it for me. But...the audience doesn't follow you home and laugh and cry with you. No, they just love the make-believe character you created that was provided with just the right things to say at just the right times. I thought theatre would fulfill my longings. But, that was before. Before the Father I had never been willing to give my heart to comforted me during a time in my life when I needed someone, ANYONE to heal my broken heart. My one true Father had never abandoned me and thought I was perfect...I didn't always have to know what to say or how to act. I could just let Him work through me. And that longing I'd been feeling? Gone. He was what I had been longing for, but I had refused to let Him in. I didn't trust Him and didn't want to let myself believe that what He said was and is true.

Now, when I do a show, I still love the feeling I get when I'm in the rehearsal process...taking a character that is on a flat piece of paper and creating a three-dimensional (make-believe) person. I'll admit, the applause, laughter and tears are still pretty great too, but not like they used to be. I don't crave them anymore. I don't need them. I've finally realized that the only audience that matters is the audience of One. As long as I'm working to glorify Him, everything else falls into place.

God is in Control

2006-10-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

Here's an update that I received from Lori today (via email) about Lillian's progress. Please continue to pray for Lillian, Jeff and Lori as they have a really long road ahead. They say that your prayers are helping to sustain and encourage them through this time. God's hand has been so clearly evident at every turn.

What's been happening:
* 9/7 - Lillian shows signs of dizziness when she stands up
*9/17 - Lillian begins vomitting each morning and needs assistance to steady her when walking
*9/28 - Dr. diagnoses acid reflux and prescribes pepcid (which she hates)
*10/3 - Back in to the Dr. with a written summary of symptoms. He requests an MRI.
*10/6 - Scheduled for the MRI at OHSU at 7am. 10 minutes into the MRI, the Dr tells us Lillian has a brain tumor. After another 45 min to complete the MRI, we are reunited with Lillian as the doctors review the immediate course of action. We walk over to Doernbechers PICU where they immediately place an EVD in Lillian's head. This is a drain for spinal fluid which the tumor had been blocking the flow of. She later has another MRI, this time of her spine which shows no additional tumors.

*10/7 - At 8am Lillian undergoes 5 hours of surgery to remove the tumor. Surgery is reported to be a success as a follow up MRI shows no traces of the tumor remain.
*10/11 - Someone tells us about a report showing that the worst place to get sleep is a hospital ICU and we couldn't agree more. We are thankful when her EVD is removed and we are moved out of the PICU.
*10/13 - Friday the 13th and we are moving again. This time to inpatient rehab at Emmanuel which will be our home for the next 1-2 weeks. Lillian and I get our first ambulance ride as Jeff follows behind.

What's going to be happening:
*We're waiting for the pathology report on her tumor to determine the chemo plan. (They don't do radiation on kids this young.)
*Lillian has 1 1/2 hours of physical therapy, 1 1/2 hours of occupational therapy and 1 hour of speech therapy everyday. (It's really just playing with toys and reading books.)
*And most important, Lillian turns 2 tomorrow! (10/16)

How we're doing:
*Lillian's right arm is still weaker than her left, but is improving daily.
*Surprisingly, the majority of her pain is due to gas and constipation. I'll spare you further details but we seem to be making some progress at getting this under control.
*Jeff and I are getting more sleep as the interruptions become less frequent. We can't wait to go home with our little girl.

Prayer requests:
*Please pray that Lillian's rehab is speedy and fun. We want her to be as strong as possible before the chemo.
*Please pray that we all get enough rest so that we can be strong and patient for the long road ahead. Thank you all for your prayers and best wishes.

God is Good

2006-10-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

Praise God! The surgeons were able to remove Lillian's tumor completely on Saturday. The surgery was expected to take 5-7 hours, but was finished in 4 (something the surgeons were very happy about). Lillian was looking great when I saw her on Sunday morning. She was still pretty groggy, but had eaten some yogurt and perked up when she saw her grandpa. She was able to say an entire sentence..."look mommy, it's my grandpa" while I was there, something she hadn't done since her surgery. Children are so resilient. She's going to be in the hospital for a few more days then she'll be allowed to go home to regain her strength. She'll be starting chemo early next week (the tumor was malignant). Please pray that God keeps her strong & healthy and that she'll not have a relapse. Thank you so much for your prayers so far...Lillian's parents said they have been feeling them.

It Just Doesn't Seem Fair

2006-10-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I get a call from a good friend of mine. We're supposed to go see "Sweet Charity" together tonight, but she says she can't make it. Her precious two-year-old little girl has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She's having it operated on right now. I went to visit last night and I felt so helpless. I mean, what do you say to someone who is looking at their sweet baby, knowing that they'll have to trust a surgeon's hands to peform perfectly? How do you console someone who will have to sit by and watch their child go through chemo? I don't know. I did the only thing that I could do...we prayed and cried together. I know God has a plan for each of us, his creations. But, I don't think I'll ever understand how a child can be allowed to suffer like this. Please pray for my friends. Pray that they would take their fears to God and trust His answer to their prayers. Pray that their sweet baby girl, Lillian, will come out of this stronger than she was before and that she'll endure the surgery and chemotherapy well. And pray that we all trust God's plan during this time.

Counting My Blessings

2006-09-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, okay actually most of the time, it's so easy for me to focus on the struggles in my life. The places that God is working to soften the edges on and in me (the more he refines, the more edges seem to appear). I read a dear friend's blog today and she talked about keeping a journal of God's blessings in our lives. I've got so many and yet, I allow my busyness and to-do list to distract me from what is so amazing about having him in my life. I tend to focus on what I need and should do and have instead of what He has so graciously given me. There was a time in my life when He was not the center. I thought I was on my way to having it all...a successful husband, career with a company I was proud to tell people I worked for, a big house, nice clothes, good friends. I didn't realize how empty my life really was because I was so focused on checking off the list of things I thought I needed to make me happy. I nearly lost my marriage during this quest for happiness. But then, I finally allowed God to take control of the life that was His in the first place. I couldn't believe what freedom there was in surrender. God has now given me a marriage that I could have never dreamed possible - to a husband who adores me and our two beautiful sons. His devotion to us is second only to his devotion to God and I feel so blessed...blessed beyond words for what He has so willingly provided. So, today I will start my blessings journal. The first few on my list will look like this:
*I have a Father who loves me more than I could ever imagine.
*My Father has given me a husband and two beautiful boys to help enrich my life and fill my days with laughter.
*My siblings and their families each love and follow Christ.
*I worship and work at a church that has an amazing community of people.

Don't let this day pass without taking time to focus on your blessings!!!