The "Perfect" Woman

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be "perfect". And also about what it means to be the woman God created me to become. She's a very different person from the one our culture tells me I should strive to become. I'm at the point in my life where things are changing...fast. And the way I see the world around me is also in a state of change. It's mostly good stuff. I'm finally starting to listen to God when he speaks...and I'm also learning that I shouldn't try to interrupt all of the time, but be still...just as He asks.

A few weeks ago, our pastor spoke about Tamar and Amnon, his sermon was titled "Sex and the City-What Hollywood Doesn't Tell You." Amnon was lusting after his half-sister, Tamar. He wanted her, and he was sulking around because he couldn't have her. One of his buddies asked what was wrong with him (he was the king's son and someone with that much money and power shouldn't really be walking around feeling sorry for himself, so thought his friend). Amnon told his "friend" about his situation, so his friend came up with a plan so Amnon could "have" Tamar. Amnon pretends he's sick, asks daddy to send his sister to make him dumplings, clears out his house when she arrives and then he rapes her. As soon as he's done with her, he hates her.

Things haven't changed much. Women in our society are still, largely, viewed as objects. As things to be had, controlled, used for pleasure and then disposed of for a newer, shinier model. Most women can say that at one time or another, they've been treated like objects, things, possessions. I once worked for a man who told me he liked what I was wearing and then wondered aloud if my outfit would look better in a pile on the floor next to his bed. I was afraid to say something...I needed that job to get me through college. I was also pretty used to being treated that way. Blonde hair, blue eyes...many men see that as an invitation to grab, fondle and leer. And don't get me started on WOMEN'S magazines. Written by women, for women reminding us in every grocery store line that if we just lose that 10 pounds by summer, then we'll be perfect. Or if we just master that one sexual maneuver, we'll really be able to please our husbands/boyfriends.

The biggest problem with all of this is that I began believe all of this crap. I began to believe that the way I looked was really the only thing I had to offer, the only way I could be valuable was if I was super skinny, had perfect skin and amazing sexual prowess. This caused a whole new set of issues when I gave my life to Christ. When I began to really understand who I am in Him. If the way I looked wasn't what made me important, then...what did? I found myself going into a mid-life crisis at the age of 32. And I know I'm not alone. I've talked and cried with so many of my Christian sisters who are struggling with weight issues, self-esteem issues, not being good enough. But you know what? The enemy wants us to believe his lies. He wants us to focus on everything we're not, so we won't see everything we ARE in Christ.

I've finally begun to realize that the woman Christ is making me into won't ever be fully developed until I meet Him in Heaven. To be honest, this can be really frustrating at times, but also empowering. I don't have to meet society's standards anymore (even though I will probably always be fighting the urge to do so). All I have to do is rest in the amazing knowledge that God created me to be and become someone unique. No two of us are the same. How cool is that?

To all of my sisters out there-say this to yourselves every morning (and whenever Satan's nasty voice starts filling your mind with lies). I AM beautiful and capable because I belong to God. He made me into the woman I am today and He is a master artist. I am a piece of His artwork.

Peanuts Wisdom From My Five-Year-Old

(Said while eating a chips ahoy, with a huge, chocolatey grin)

"Hey mom, happiness is having a lot of chocolate chips in your chocolate chip cookie."

Family Camp

Each year our church reserves a bunch of camp sites at Nehalem Bay State Park and our church family heads to the beach for at least a weekend of camping together. Kevin and I haven't chosen to go for the past few years...the boys were still pretty little and the thought of staying in a tent for a weekend, doing housework outside, didn't sound great to me. But, this year we decided to go and we were so excited when we were able to get a Yurt for our trip! Here are the top 10 things I love about family camp (in no particular order):

1. The Yurt...we'll never be able to camp in our tent again. We are now officially camping snobs.

2. Watching the grins on my boys faces as they rode their bikes and played with their friends all day every day.

3. Seeing two close friends be baptized in the ocean. Everyone should see an ocean baptism at least once in their life...truly spectacular.

4. Hanging with my girlfriends while Kevin CHOSE to be on KP.

5. The food...I eat better camping than I do at home (thanks to my honey, John Graf, John Canlas and Kelly Alexander).

6. Sitting by the campfire with friends, learing more about each other...which drives home even more why we chose to be a part of the Village family.

7. Susan Moore-without her, Family Camp wouldn't be so awesome.

8. Watching two of the dads leap through the waves with buckets in hand, trying to catch fish that ended up in the shallow surf...just so they could show the kids what they looked like (I think the dads had a great time doing it too).

9. Spending time in worship with my church family outdoors...with the sound of waves crashing in the distance.

10. Finding out how creative the dads will get when they have too much time on their hands (see picture below...note where the remote-control cars are in each picture)

He's still the one...

"On this day, I will marry my best friend. The person I live for, laugh with, love." That is printed in our wedding invitation...August 3rd, 1996.

This Friday, I will be celebrating 11 years of marriage with my husband. I can't believe it. We both come from legacies of divorce and broken relationships. I am in awe of everything that God has and continues to bless me with. Back when we first married and didn't live for Christ, we always had divorce as an option-our plan B. We believed that if we weren't happy, that it was our spouse's fault and that it would be okay to end our marriage. We almost did...but then God broke into our lives and captivated us both. He turned us inside out and gave us a marriage I couldn't have ever imagined. Sure it's hard work sometimes...anything worth having and fighting for is.

He is the first man who hasn't walked away from me when times are tough. He is the first man on this earth who loved me for who I am...even though I can be cranky at times and a bit of a drama queen.

I grew up without my father in my life, but when I watch my husband with our two beautiful boys, I see what a loving father is. I never really understood the unconditional love and adoration of my Heavenly Father until I saw my husband cradle our babies when they needed comfort, protect them when they were scared and light up whenever they entered the room.

I am so overwhelmed that my husband chose me. I am so excited to see what the next 11 years bring. I am so honored that God chose us to be parents to our two sweet little men.

Happy anniversary, honey!!!!