The Gospel According to N

My youngest son (N) is almost three-years-old. He can be a bit mischieveous at times, but almost always makes us laugh. A close friend of ours nannies for us each week and also works at our church. She was in N's Sunday School class (on the Saturday night before Easter Sunday) and blogged about her experience there. She said that most of the kids were asking really insightful questions and that she was pretty blown away by their ability to understand why Jesus died on the cross for them. After reading it, I was so excited to hear about how our little guy did in the class. We had spent a lot of time during the season of Lent talking about Good Friday and Easter and why we celebrate them, so I was sure that this evening in Sunday school would help to hit it all home. Well, he had a mind of his own that night and spent much of the story time occupying himself by looking outside at the playground. I figured we'd just have to be really intentional about sharing the story with him to make sure he knew and understood why we celebrate Easter and Good Friday.

I'm on staff at my church, so I spent all of Easter morning at work. After I came home, as we were getting ready to go to my brother and sister-in-law's house for dinner, I asked N if he knew why we celebrate Good Friday. He said, "it's the day that Jesus died on the cross for our sins...you know, the bad stuff we do, like kick and hit." I was pretty surprised and excited, so I pressed on..."Okay, N, do you know why we celebrate Easter?" With big eyes, he said, "Oh yes, mommy. It's the day that Jesus stayed alive again. The power of God rolled away the large scone and he was alived." That's right...they used baked goods to seal tombs back then. I haven't corrected him...I love his innocence and his confidence when he tells the story. I know that he'll eventually figure out that it's actually stone that was in front of the tomb, but for now, in our house at least, the power of the lord was magnificent enough to move a really large scone away from the tomb that held Jesus after he was crucified.

I Am Blessed

I recently read an article that encouraged us all to consistently thank God for the blessings he gives us. I've done it a few times here at this blog and I feel it's time for another round of counting my blessings.

**My two precious boys have a father who adores them. As I write this they are wrestling with their daddy, dressed as Buzz Lightyear and Peter Pan (of course). They're giggling and plotting how they will defeat their dad (I also get to be the princess during these wrestling times...when I'm not writing about it on my blog).

**I got to see two plays last weekend. One, "The Merry Wives of Windsor", featuring one of my closest friends (Wendy Bax) and the other at the Keller downtown "The Light in the Piazza". I loved watching Wendy light up the stage again...using the gifts and talents that God gave her. I also loved the music, book and costumes from "Light...". (The male lead in the show wasn't so bad either).

**Creative people are coming out of the woodwork, excited and energized about having opportunities to use their gifts to serve and worship God. We recently had a brainstorming session about our dreams for our church and surrounding communities and I can't wait to see how God conducts this symphony comprised of passionate people and God-give talents.

**I've got some amazing friends who see past my junk, to what God sees inside me. They encourage me, support me and tell me to snap out of a snit when I need it.

**My husband is begging me to get involved in theatre again so I can find that piece of myself that has been missing...this is the same man who demanded I give it up when our marriage was failing just eight years ago.

**I have siblings (and a sister-in-law who I actually consider to be a sister) who live nearby and we actually look forward to seeing each other and spending time together. (all of our kids also adore each other...which is just so awesome).

I want to encourage you to write down your blessings too. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the day-to-day routine of life, we forget how amazing our lives truly are.

Making sense of something that doesn't

One of my close friends just had to say goodbye to her 2 1/2 year old. After a courageous 6-month fight with cancer, Lillian ended her battle last week. Her memorial service was Saturday. I'm still having a hard time getting my head around this. It's so hard to understand God's plan in this situation. My friend is so strong, so faithful. She trusts God's plan and timing. I'm not sure I would be exhibiting such grace if I was going through what she and her husband are experiencing. It's so hard to understand why. Why Lillian? Why did this happen just one month after we were celebrating the fact that she had just finished chemo? Why do my friends have to be experiencing such pain? Why didn't God heal her here on earth? Why...

It was so surreal to be celebrating the resurrection of Christ this past weekend while experiencing this numbing, cutting pain I feel for my friend. I know that this is no way for me to honor Lillian's memory, but I don't think I'd be human if I wasn't hurting, confused and just plain mad. When I told my 5-year-old about Lillian, he just smiled at me...a huge smile that lit up his face. I asked him why he was smiling and he told me..."Don't you know mommy? Lillian's with Jesus." He felt bliss because he was thinking of her...not of himself. I guess that's part of the sting of death...we're left behind to try to figure it out. Please be praying for Jeff and Lori as they move forward without their precious little one. Please pray for those of us who are close to them...that we would know what and when to say something and when we should be silent...that we would know how to best comfort and support them during the coming months and that they would feel God's arms and comfort around them.

Lillian

Yesterday, sweet little Lillian "peacefully ended" her battle with cancer (see Lori's most recent blog entry).

Please pray for Jeff and Lori (and their family) as they grieve a loss that most of us cannot even begin to understand. Pray that God will protect their marriage and relentlessly pursue them during this time that no parent should have to endure.

The service celebrating Lillian's life
will be held at:
Finley-Sunset Hills Mortuary
Saturday, April 7th at 3pm
6801 SW Sunset Highway
Portland, OR 97225
All are welcome.

Is He big enough?

That's a question I find myself asking a lot lately. Most of the time, I don't really artiulate it that way...it's usually through my inaction or lack of faith that I don't even get around to actually asking the question.

But IS God big enough to answer my prayers...not the way I want, but the way He knows I need for His purposes in my life? Of course he is...and yet, there are so many prayers in my heart that remain unspoken because I so often choose to question His ability to truly answer them. My dear friend, Lori, through her strength and grace as she has watched her sweet little one fight cancer, has modeled for me the type of faith in God that I strive for. She just left this entry on her blog today. Please join me in lifting Lillian up to God, asking that he perform a miracle on her tired body.

Lillian's oncologist dropped by on Monday and said something that has really stuck with me. The pastor at her church told the congregation on Sunday that this is a week of miracles. He asked them to pick 2 or 3 miracles and pray that they would happen this week. She picked Lillian as her #1, 2 and 3 miracle.

We often don't "pray big" and ask for miracles because we're scared to hope or are worried about being disappointed. After all, we don't know what God's plan is. But if this is the week of miracles, I am acting in faith and praying big.Lillian spiked a fever last night and it's currently not responding to Tylenol. (Yep, even in Intensive Care, Tylenol is the best for a fever.) Her lungs are very sick and her liver is sluggish as well. The doctors have been stumped by Lillian's strange, prolonged illness for weeks.

I pray that Lillian would have a miraculous recovery. That her lungs would have no long term damage, that her fever would disappear as suddenly as it appeared and that she would be like a new kid. I pray that this recovery would be so sudden that there would be no other explanation than God's mighty intervention!I don't know what God's plan is for Lillian. But I'm praying big that He would deliver an Easter miracle for us. Join us in this mighty prayer, won't you?

Please Pray for Lillian

This is a post from my friend, Lori's, blog. Please keep her family in your prayers...that the doctors would be able to determine how they can best help Lillian regain her strength and that God would wrap is comforting arms around Lori and her husband, Jeff during this time.

As I read my last post, I was amazed that what was just a week seemed like an eternity ago. By the time I returned to our room after writing the update, the "conventional mode" of ventilation was already failing. That night was one of our worst with the Doctor trying several vent modes as well as switching her on, and later off, of the more aggressive ventilator machine called an oscillator.

The next day we had a care conference with the doctors from oncology and the PICU to discuss the plan. After nearly two hours, we landed on a plan with the least amount of intervention so that her body would have adequate time to respond and heal. A week of sticking to the plan (a record in the medical world) and she is generally unchanged.

After 30 days in the hospital, we are considering setting up utilities and forwarding our mail. The nurses are truly wonderful and make the ups and downs more bearable. We even played a little medical April Fools joke on one of our favorite nurses, Becca, today on her day off. With her help we have also named all of the ventilators after Friends characters. Just something to pass the time and add a little fun. We had "Chandler" but when his circuit started to fail, we decided that he once again needed some time in rehab and recruited "Rachel" to replace him. Rachel's tough, I think with enough time she just may be the one.

I pray that better days are just around the corner. They're managing the daily ups and downs but generally we're all waiting for Lillian to make the final push toward health. Until then, we hold our breath and wait.